New Blog

2010-05-02T18:32:00.001+08:00

I was doing some spring cleaning in my room and I found one of my diaries. I flipped through the pages and read the content until I reached to the part when love had to go to Taiwan for the second time.

8th January 2008:
He’s leaving today. He’ll leave in hours. Met up just now, 7th January 2008. Even though it is awhile, worth meeting up. =) I’ve missed him even before he leaves. Talked for awhile on the phone too. I didn’t know why I felt that hard to let him go this time. He said it was hard for him too. We hope to go through this fast. Let get things done and get it over. The sooner the better. His tears touched me. Really. Not the first I must say. Pray for him every time.

His last call before he went into his flight, it was exactly 1230. I had to hide all the tears, so as not to make him teared too. Every time I think about him, I just teared. But, I have to tell myself, be strong and he will be back soon. He promised to call when he have time. I will always wait for that. It’s only day 1, and am already feeling lonely. Not knowing what to do. It made me realized how much he meant to me now. He’s almost everything. It’s hard this time. Hopefully, things will end soon. Am missing boyfriend a lot.

Bila Terasa Rindu – Dafi
Apa agaknya khabarmu di sana?
Di sini ku sedang dibelenggu rindu
Beginikah rasa seksa perpisahan
Sungguh anehnya hidup berasingan

Hati terasa bagai tertinggal di situ
Meskipun tubuh dah jauh beribu batu
Sesaat seperti setahun lamanya
Semasa kau tiada
Apa yang terdaya...

[Chorus]
Bila terasa rindu ku sebut namamu
Dengan harapan kau akan muncul dalam tidur
Bila terasa rindu ku bayang wajahmu dalam angan
Dan barulah ku terasa bagai disembuh...

Oh... Jauh sekali hidup di sini berbeza
Beribu kali lagi ku selesa di sana
Tak sabar menantikan detik kepulangan
Namun hingga itu
Apa yang termampu...

[Repeat chorus]

Terlintas di fikiran untuk meminggirkan saja
Semua pencarian di sini
Tetapi ini sebahagian dari pengorbanan
Bekalan andainya hari sukar mencabar...

[Repeat chorus]

9th January 2008:
Had a hard time waking up and at 0942hrs BOYFRIEND called. After hearing his voice, it gives me motivation. And so, i bathed and went to school =) he sound sad. I can sensed it. hopefully he’s doing fine there. I miss him a lot. Will miss him a lot. I’m missing him a lot already. And it’s only Day 2!!!

10th January 2008:
Day 3. And yes. I miss him more today. Waiting for his call still. He’s busy with work over there. Hopefully he’s doing fine and well. Boyfriend I miss you. =(

11th January 2008:
Day 4. He called this morning at 1058hrs. Man, I felt like tearing when he called. I miss him like I’ve never missed him before. Miss him a lot. Not feeling well. Feeling sick. That’s it.

12th January 2008:
Day 5. It’s Saturday. Worked till 8. Like so not me to work on Saturday. I miss boyfriend already. Like more than yesterday. Call, call, call I will wait.

When You’re Gone – Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

14th January 2008:
Am having a head spin now. Don’t know why. Hopefully I will be ok. It’s 1 week already. I can’t stop thinking of him. Miss him that much. Wander how he’s doing there. Maybe he having trainings, orientation and he’s busy. But nvrm. Still wait for his call. And I miss his late night calls already. Darling, I miss you!!!

15th January 2008:
Am lazy today. But yeah. Received a private number today when I was having my test. But I never answer. I’m afraid that it is my boyfriend. I’m longing for his voice now. Call soon boyfriend. I miss you ouh so badly. Love you dy!

16th January 2008:
It is just not my day. And I’m totally unhappy. Phone is giving problem. And so, I had no choice but to use my other phone. Man, I don’t like ok. Shall change phone already man. I don’t want. And man I’m sad. Still no call. Miss miss miss.

17th January 2008:
Day 10 it is and I can’t tolerate the loneliness already. Man, this is hard. This is bad. Having him in Singapore is far way better please. Come back soon boyfriend!!!
Am ouh-so-moody please. Stress. Sad.

22nd January 2008:
He called yesterday. Not once but TWICE eh!!! Happy to the max la. Loved him like I always do of course. Huhu. 20:07:54, 23:02:22. Duration 00:06:08, 00:14:46 respectively. Yes, the both of us cannot stand the situation already. We want next week to come soon. Oud pretty please. It’s already half way through the journey. I’m sure things will go fine. How I miss him nobody knows. He’s coming back. Yes, I’m fetching him!!! Very happy. Let’s see what can we do. Boyfriend is loved!!!

23rd January 2008:
I felt lonely. Super lonely. I wish he’s here with me. I’ve not been getting what I need. His voice, his msgs, almost everything. Next sounds so next year. Man, that’s long. Come soon next week. And yes he called AGAIN. 12:54:26 for 00:06:59 min. Happy. Yet sad.

24th January 2008:
21:27:43 for 00:02:47.

27th January 2008:
19:37:17 for 00:06:11.
Since he’s in Taiwan, his calls are all unpredictable. Am missing him so much. Very much. I can’t wait to fetch him and spend the time with him. And it’s 6 more days. 20 days already.

28th January 2008:
Monday. Monday blue. I hate Monday. Nothing make my day. I felt so bored. And again, when night comes, I feel so lonely. Without the boyfriend’s voice. I miss him a lot. 5 days to go. And I can’t wait for the moment. Waiting for his next call still. Soon soon soon. Hopefully.

30th January 2008:
22:11 for 00:04 mins.

31st January 2008:
It’s Thursday. Fast. And 2 more days he’ll be back. I’m so happy. Hopefully he will call me tmr to have updates. I feel so...happy. cannot wait to see him. I miss him a lot.

1st February 2008:
20:03 he called twice but never answer due to work =( 23:07, 00:14:48, 00:00:56
23:31, 00:13:15
That is almost half an hour yeay!!! =)

2nd February 2008:
16:36, 00:01:01 saying he’s preparing to come back =)
20:45, 00:01:44 saying his flight is going to go soon. Sungguh ghairah + happy like finally.

All that in my diary. I know the English is somehow all over the place. But’s it’s ok. Just by reading that, it makes me feel the exact same feeling that I had during those times, really. It wasn’t easy at all.

When he is unavoidable, I just can’t shut for long. I keep on longing for him every single time. When I know my love is true, all I want is you to understand and know that.

2010-05-01T18:22:00.005+08:00

Almost a month since I last blogged a post. I have nothing much to blog about. Nothing special happened to me. Even if I were to blog frequently, all I'll talk about will be about work, myself and relationship perhaps.

It's another day at home during the public holiday. And it feels... I don't know.

My work, have been a roller coaster especially this week. I'm somehow glad that part of it is over. More things coming up and I hope that I'm prepared for it. To progress, I'll pull myself through all obstacles, stand on my two feets and do my best in every single thing that I need to achieve what I want.

I'm currently waiting for my english test results from RELC. It have been 3 weeks since I sat for the test and the results have yet to be out.

Also, my application for another position is pending. It's only going to 2 weeks since I applied but it feels so long. I really hope I'll get through it.

Talking about work, it is really not so bad. I guess it is norm to have some unwanted acts from people and it just makes you so frustrated and irritated. Well I'm no near to perfect, because I've done mistakes too. To me, we can always learn from one another.

Being in the status that I'm in, I have a whole lot of responsibilities to carry out and also in fulfilling the commitments that I'm in. It is never easy, especially being engaged. Obstacles and challenges come one after another every single time and things get very unpredictable everytime.

Not everything is the same. Everyone and anyone can be in a relationship, but the process and journey is different for every couple. When some thought that it is about going through every single thing together, others may think that it is about giving space to each other. Some will have a combination of both. Communicating, understanding and then compromising.

When we think we are always communicating, there's still communication breakdown. Communication is never enough and will have no end. When we think we have shared and said everything to each other, there are still those little pieces of thoughts left lingering around. Why are we still in this kind of position when we're not supposed to?

Love itself is complicated. When it is good, everything is in place nicely. When it is bad, everything is all over the place.

When we're in good terms, we will let out words of love. When we're in not good terms, we will let out words of harshness.

None is perfect, even myself. I learn to accept and I learn to change. And I hate to demand. I don't remember demanding for anything. But, why not? How true is this phrase, 'Ask, and you shall be given'?

When we know our love is true, all we want is the other half to understand and know that.

I'm out now.

2010-04-05T19:36:00.000+08:00

At times, people doesn't help at all. In fact, they just add on to it. Just like rubbing salt to the wound.

I can get crazy any time. Already emotionally breaking down, and yet people just have to make me mentally break down too. Thank you uh, thank you so much. I appreciate it so much, really.

I'm not a kid, I can read in between your lines. Already you're all not helping me by at least understanding my situation and now you're telling me you're in need of bucks. I told you frankfully what I've plan, and what I get? All those negative words. Please uh, I know I don't have a perfect attitutde, but at least, give me that moral support instead of giving me all those negative thoughts of yours.

Please, open up and understand. That's all I ask for. I keep on pondering, who else do I turn to if not him?

Ok, enough. Seriously I'm sick being in this $%#&@*#^#%#&#*#&#^$@$.

2010-04-05T07:14:00.003+08:00

Officially I have 15 minutes for me to start work. Starting of the month ends with an event and now, we are going to start brainstorming and planning for another event. Sports Carnival it is, which will take place end of this month.

Yes, it may be 4 weeks away, but the brainstorming and planning will take a whole lot of time. Last year, we took a few weeks to brainstorm with changes here and there (plus all other stuff in between) and preparing for it took more than a week!

Keeping in mind, I have a test next Monday which I don't know how I'm going to manage it and worst prepare for it. Thinking about it really doesn't motivate me at all. And worst of all the worsts, I'm not looking forward to it at all.

Good luck Ju, in going through this month of April (please note month number 4 - not being superstitious but at times, it's true).

I can't be bothered with work now. FYI, the bell just rang.

2010-04-04T12:19:00.001+08:00

I can't feel my normal self. Yes, and I hate it. Since Friday, either TV-ing or Facebook-ing. I can't bring myself to do anything else. Lazing around, is all I do. My weekend routine gone down the drain this week. But I really hope my strength will come back.

I had 1 packet of instant fried noodles late afternoon yesterday and a bowl of KoKo Krunch for supper. I've to force myself to sleep yet again last night. When I woke up, I found myself searching for my handphone with just a picture of him and me which I set as wallpaper. I was hoping to see something. Something that will show me "Saini Love".

At this point of time, I'm still TV-ing and Facebook-ing. I don't felt like eating, but adik served me some breakfast that mum prepared. Didn't have the heart to reject him, so had a few bite.

Short-tempered. I have always been. I've tried to avoid it. But, how do I avoid it totally? I really need it away from me. I've been holding my temper for a while. But, that fine Thursday, it just have to come back.

Many things happened on Thursday. Had to complete a ppt on the spot, PAL, staff fitness day, contact time and then an event till evening. Days before had a meeting and some personal meet ups with teachers for the event. I had so much butterflies in my stomach on Thursday. The best part was, someone just had to add stuff into my head. For the first time, I just had to speak my mind out. 10 months I hold myself, I control myself. When I start to speak, it just means, enough is enough. As much as I respect you because of your age, but you just don't let me to continue with that.

One thing happened on Friday. Just that one thing. Just that one situation. Now, I feel like slapping myself.

Dear Love,

If you're reading this, I'm sorry. I really would like to apologise to you. Please know, I love you with all my heart. I really do.

2010-03-28T17:26:00.003+08:00

Finding time to blog is really a challenge for me. If I'm not tired, I'm simply in no-mood to blog or by the time I have-mood to blog, I don't know where to start! I don't even know who read my blog. It is so near to dead. I'm considering leaving this blog as it is, for re-reading purposes and have a private corner to pen down what I want.

Anyway, it's been 4 days since I last met my love. I miss him already, like always. Next week will be a long week. With an event on Thursday evening (what a day to have an evening event, the next day is a public holiday!). But it's ok, Friday will still be a public holiday and it's still a holiday and it's gonna be another long weekend! All I need now is another fulfilling date with my love. I need it badly =( Ok dah.

Love you dy! Miss you a lot eh pls. MUAH!

2010-03-20T16:07:00.001+08:00

At times, all we need is space like a getaway session from our daily life routine. The short trip to Negeri Sembilan made me realize all we need is just that, although we went with family members. We need not buy anything expensive or spend a few thousands. Pampering ourselves with good food, mini shopping sessions and some touring sessions are good enough. I really hope that I could have a few more of such outings in the near future.

I’ve thought about my future plans. Being a CCPE is a good stepping stone for me to experience the working life. It is time to make another step to make another life progression. Insya’ Allah, the plan that I have in mind will go on smoothly.

We have past a quarter of the year and I believe there are a lot more for us in the next three quarter. Let’s pray that everything will continue to get better, Insya’ Allah.

To my beloved Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad
Dy, I’m truly happy that we are at the same pace heading towards our goal. We’ll pull through the obstacles and work together to make each and every day a better one for us. All you have to always keep in mind is, I love you with all my heart, really.
- Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love -

2010-02-15T00:00:00.003+08:00

TO MY BELOVED MOHAMMAD SAINI BIN ARSHAD.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DY!!! I'll always pray for your health, wealth and safety always. I love you a lot dy. & I miss you a lot too!!!

- Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love -

2010-02-13T14:50:00.000+08:00

I’m packed with workload since last week. Good thing I’m not shag as yet, just tired. I have hours of time off to claim, but things kept on coming. How to clear my time off like that! Some loads are still pending on my desk. I did thought of bringing some back, but dropped the idea because I need this long weekend to recharge myself. When work starts on Wednesday, it’s already CCA Day. All the more I need the long rest.

Anyway, love and myself got our new phones on the 28th last month. Love seems so relaxed, but I know inside him, he was as excited as me if not even more! Unlike me I already had a wide smile on my face when we reached at the entrance of Sembawang Shopping Centre Carpark. After all the processes, we headed to Starbucks for some drinks and of course to explore our new phone. Somehow somewhat, our phone looks like the picture below.

We went to East Coast Park on the 1st last month. We managed to locate the spot where we first met. The place is all changed. Even the benches are moved to the newly built pathway. Somehow we felt that the garden built should have more shelter because it is scorching hot in the afternoon! Shall bring our baby back there at night =) Pictures of some of the changes are below.

Emotion instability: A feeling that girls/lady/woman will feel almost every month. It started last month. I controlled myself but there was a day that I just couldn’t. It comes and it goes and I got irritated by it at the end. I talked it out with love. Although there are some parts he wouldn’t be able to understand, I’m grateful that he did tried to. After all at times, I myself do not understand. But, I’ll definitely try to control my emotions as much as I can so that I won’t hurt him that much.

19th last month was late bro’s birthday. Love and I visited him a few days earlier, and we also visited love’s late paternal grandmother and my maternal grandmother.

My heart will always dropped when I look at this picture below.

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone (advanced wish). And...

Happy Valentine’s Day to you, love. We will not spend the day together, but I’m sure you know that I love you, always. Below, a picture of us on the 1st last month at ECP and the second picture is a heart-shaped nugget that I snapped. Both pictures dedicated to you. Love you Dy! Muah.

2010-01-16T11:30:00.004+08:00

It’s already 2010. Many things happened in 2009 with all the ups and downs. Well, what’s life without any ups and downs anyway, right? I’m happy with life as always.

This year is going to be a very tight year for both love and myself. We got ourselves committing to a few major involvements that require mental stability to go through them. We’ve agreed to take a step at a time (But in actual fact we’ve took a few advanced steps just by committing to those few involvements that we’re in). We will definitely help each other to go through all these together. We’ve also agreed to use our first six month in 2010 to stabilize ourselves in everything that we’re doing. Yes, we’re looking forward to 2010 and we also hope that this year is going to be a good year for us. Insya’Allah.

I haven’t been updating and this is my first post for the year 2010. Tell me about it. I’m working Monday to Friday, office hours. But, by the time I reached home, I’m already shagged due to the workload which is never ending! Furthermore, I start work at 7.30am. I am still trying to get used to the new work timing.

Now, this is the hard part, when I don’t update very often, I’ll have a little too many things to share and I do not know where to start. One month is a short period of time, but to pen down a month of happenings will take pages, really.

On the 1st of January this year, I went out for lunch with the love and his parents at the new Tekka Market because love was craving for Chendol. Heh. The most interesting part of the day was, we went to ECP, the place where we first met. The place had changed a lot. The chair we sat on was shifted to the pathway that was just constructed. I guess they are still constructing the place.

We took some photos but I don't know why the pictures cannot be transferred to my computer. I will upload pictures once I'm able to transfer them.

Somehow, I can feel that things are changing. I mean, life is always changing and that is one thing about life that makes it unpredictable and interesting you see.

Things happened with reasons and without reasons at times. Some unplanned events had to happen that makes life more interesting and challenging. We had to do certain things which we never thought of doing (very soon at least) that contribute to the unpredictable and challenging side of life. Life is never easy and life is never boring.

Sometimes, we look for trouble, and there are also times when trouble come and look for us. Tell me about it. Time to look for trouble had ended and now is the time when trouble comes and look for us. This is life. We plan, but HE decides.

Love and I are going through a lot of things, from one thing to another. Although we are struggling, we try very hard to pull through together so that everything will be alright and will be smooth. We had our plan laid out carefully and we also changed our plan according to our situation when we have to.

Getting married is easy, but the responsibilities after marriage are never easy. Trust me on this. Every time I hear the Kadi’s speech on the responsibilities of husband and wife, it really makes me tear up. It makes me feel the weight that I will be going through once I’m married. Also, I’ll be “leaving” my parents and will be under my husband care. That feeling is really very hard and it makes my heart sinks down right to the very bottom. Yes, getting married is everyone’s dream (most I’ll say because I’ve heard of people who do not want to get married) and we are happy on the happy occasion. But on the other hand, we will also feel sad and down. “There are always 2 sides to a story.” (I understand, you understand. If not, try to understand ok.)

Changes are normal in life. It is always changing and yes, everyone needs a change once in a while. There are times when we look for changes but there are also times when changes look for us. You know, like we plan not to change something but we just have to change it. I know this is like ooooooooooook.................

So actually, at the end of 2009, love and I got ourselves new necessities.
Love and I will be getting a new similar handset soon. I have to agree with love when he said Nokia is more user friendly than Sony Ericsson. Although I really like Sony Ericsson designs and functions (all because of the W960i, heh), but Nokia really beats over Sony when it comes to easier-to-use-phone. I’m changing from Sony Ericsson to Nokia while boyfriend is changing from Nokia to another Nokia. We’ll be getting the Nokia 5800 X’press Music phone. Yes, we fell in love with the phone when we first saw it. At least out of the other phones, we considered it to be the best.

We had booked the phone at M1 and will be ours only by February. We really cannot wait to get hold of the phone. We already felt excited every time we talked about the phone.

And I believe I’ll fall in love another time, this time with our new-born baby. It’s the Yamaha FZ 1000. That’s why I say, it’s really a new year for us both. We already need to do a lot but yet we still need all these things. Yes, we NEED them not that we want. Ok, it’s a need turned want =) Love and I agreed to take care of our new-born baby well. Insya’Allah, with our new-born baby, we’ll be more blessed (we already feel blessed with what we have now). I asked boyfriend the other day whether we should make our new-born baby a boy or a girl, and he said it’s a boy because he already has a baby girl (referring to me). Sweet I know. But I very gatal and replied him, “baby la sangat, besar-besar gini you panggil I baby.” And we both laughed.

Teen-age life is over and it’s hello to young adult years because there’s no more (number)-teen to my age. But, I’m still at the early age of the 20s. There are so many things to look forward to in the upcoming years.

Abang Din’s and Kak Jannah’s wedding reception were so nice. I like the decoration a lot. They adopted maroon-gold as their theme. I like their aisle with the red carpet and the side decoration. The food was not bad and I love the kuah kacang. Then, I imagined how mine will be like. But, I do not have any theme in mind yet. My all time favourite thing was there. It is the chandelier. I remember mentioning about chandelier to love. I told him I want to have a nice chandelier on our dais when we get married =)

These few days I’ve been thinking about my late brother. I even dreamt about him a few days back. Love had agreed to accompany me to visit late bro tomorrow morning.
Yes, I’m looking forward to tomorrow so much. We’ll do a few fulfilling things. We will visit my late brother and then head home to change and we’ll be off to Singapore Expo. After which, we may be heading to either Tampines or Downtown East. Bowling sounds nice to relax ourselves. We’ll see how tomorrow.

And as usual, I’ll close with a note for the love.

To my beloved Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad

Dy, it’s another new year for us. Remember our new year? We watched the unexpected-mini fireworks in front of my block. It feels good, really. All I want you to know is that I will always love you with all my heart. I really feel happy that you’re with me always. Insya’Allah this year will be a better year for us.

- Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love -

2009-11-20T18:29:00.003+08:00

Not thinking of the consequences, that's how stupid I can be. As a matter of fact, when things go wrong, more and more facts surface. And I have no one to blame except for myself.

And this morning when I woke up, the first thing that came into my mind was, "I am stupid. Why am I that stupid?"

2009-11-14T17:14:00.002+08:00

Somehow I decided to change my blogskin to something brighter, with more whites and lighter color tones. Sourced from blogskin.com (as usual). Edit here and there and so, this is the outcome.

I'd like to present a song to my beloved, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad. Here's the song and followed by the lyrics.

Tinchy Stryder ft. Amelle Berrabah – Never Leave You

I will never leave
I will never leave

And yeah I’ve been there
right here in the most streets
late nights tryna write momma saying go to sleep the king here
raising war within my own fleet
dealing with the biggest dream I thank the lord daily
I’m sincere and I’ve been from the start I’m still
I’m strong and I have it in my heart
so I dropped tears cause
everything’s changed reminiscing them days tryna turn the page

Cause I been around the world
I seen so many places living the life I’ve worked so hard to make it
trading the world for money stars and power living my life at 100mph
I’m still loving you like it was the first time
I’m still loving you like it was the first time

Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya

You must be joking
don’t tell me that it’s over from driving the scene forward I am a shofer
it’s open so can we all enter tired of being in the back now I’m center
we’re chosen but there telling us were still in there all we wanna do is
open doors man hear me out were frozen
cause they left us in the cold
only right up to my chance now we bringing it home

Cause I been around the world
I seen so many places living the life I’ve worked so hard to make it
trading the world for money stars and power living my life at 100mph
I’m still loving you like it was the first time
I’m still loving you like it was the first time (like the very first time)

Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya

And yo I dived in and now I’m swimming in the deep end
And I’ve been gone since the weekend so how’s your week been without me
How you keeping well this is come back season (come back season)

Well this is come back season I call it come back
I’ve seen the whole map and I’ll be back by the evening

Cause I’m still loving you like it was the first time
I’m still loving you like it was the first time

Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya
Woah woah I will never leave ya

*A note To My Beloved Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad*
I'm really glad that I have you to be part of my life. With all my heart, I love you, I really do. My feelings for you have never changed, not even a moment. I'd like you to know that I’m still loving you like it was the first time. As much as you're supporting me, I'd support you the same too alright dy. I'm looking forward to our upcoming meet ups. & also to our planned date in 2 weeks time =) I love you with all my heart, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

2009-11-08T16:30:00.000+08:00

To My Beloved Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad

One... you're like a dream come true
Two... just wanna be with you
Three... it's plain to see... that your the only one for me
Four.. .repeat steps one through three
Five... make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done... then I start Back at One......

*Dy, I love you with my whole heart. You're a part of me and I'd be a part of you too. We'll stay strong together and support each other through thick and thin. We'll grow our tree together to ensure that it will stay healthy and strong under our care. I love you a lot Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.*

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

2009-10-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

Somehow sitting over a meal or just by sitting together makes us recall and talk about our sweet incidents. And we go =)))

Yesterday, we had our proper date. After so long of depending on our short and simple dates. Lot 1, Expo, Flyers, Makan Sutra and Esplanade in 6 hours plus.

&&& when we passed by the new garden at ECP we go =))) again. A place that we will always remember.

Pictures taken Yesterday, 24th October 2009.

To My Beloved Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

We finally had our good time spent with each other that we longed for. It's been a while since we get to spend our time this way. Somehow we know we wouldn't be able to go out like this very often. And when we do, we will use it good. We shall have more outings again.

Dy, I love you a lot. I love you with all my heart. Words are words. But feelings are definitely beyond words. That goes for my feelings for you. It is way beyond words. My love for you can't be explained in just words. But, saying 'I love You' is one of the ways that I could tell you that my feelings for you are really true.

We are not perfect, but we will definitely do the best that we could for each other.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

2009-10-22T17:30:00.001+08:00

Been 3 days now.

2009-10-21T17:30:00.001+08:00

Everything is moving so slowly suddenly. & I feel myself dying. Inside. Outside. I'm dying. Now tell me, how can I be strong.

2009-10-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

“My heart to you is given: Oh, do give yours to me; We'll lock them up together, And throw away the key.” - by Frederick Saunders

2009-09-13T16:11:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile since I last wrote a proper entry. Today's entry may or may not be a proper one also. Hah! Too many things happened since I started working (that was so 3 months ago!).

Of course, life's been hectic. With this and that, that and this. Seriously, I have more important and serious things to think about right now. & that's the reason to why I've been neglecting a lot and a lot of other things.

Time past very fast (A common and often phrase that I always say). One week of Ramadhan left and we'll be welcoming the Aidilfitri next. Hectic hectic hectic. Aidilfitri this year wouldn't be much of a difference as compared to last years or the years before. But, definitely there'll be a difference. With a family of four on the first week. & of course not forgetting with my love the week after. Of course, I'm looking forward to this year's Aidilfitri =)

With a fixed mindset, things will definitely be in place. Insya'Allah.

More updates when time permits =)

* I met my love on Friday, and I'm missing him a lot already. *

2009-09-09T19:58:00.001+08:00

Dik, Aku pinta
Kau akan selalu setia
Dik, Aku mohon
Kau selalu menemani
Saat ku tengah terluka
Kala ku tengah gundah

Ku akan menjagamu Di bangun dan tidurmu
Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu
Ku akan menjagamu Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin tak ingin kau rapuh

Dik, Jangan engkau
Pergi tinggalkan aku
Dik, Ingin aku
Cinta dan cinta selalu
Saat kau tengah terluka
Kala kau tengah gundah

Ku akan menjagamu Di bangun dan tidurmu
Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu
Ku akan menjagamu Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin tak ingin kau rapuh

Kau akan menjagaku Di bangun dan tidurku
Di semua mimpi dan nyataku
Kau akan menjagaku Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin tak ingin kau rapuh

Ku akan menjagamu Di bangun dan tidurmu
Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu
Ku akan menjagamu Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin tak ingin kau rapuh

* To the love: I'll always love you with all my heart. *

2009-09-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

Today is a meaningful day for me. I've decided to write and so, here it is...

Dear My Love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

Today, marks our 3rd Year (1096th Day) since we've been together.

2nd September 2006, 2130 hrs.
Our First Date.
I'm sure we'll definitely remember how we spend our time together that night.

2nd September 2009.
We're still standing strong together.

3 Years, we've been through everything together.
The undesirable moments we had that's filled with anger and tears.
The happy moments we had that's filled with smiles and laughters.
It's been 3 Years, we went through every obstacle that comes into our way.

I guess, you will never understand how grateful I am to have you in my life.
You were always there whenever I am in need.
You gave me your shoulder for me to cry on,
And you gave me your ears to listen to every rants I have.

I truly appreciate every deeds you've done for me.
And I'd also like to thank you for all your deeds.
My appreciation towards you are beyond words.

I can't repay your care and love.
But I will definitely return you with my sincere care and love,
And from the bottom of my heart, just for you.

I believe we will always support each other to stand on our feet,
And never let anyone of us to fall.
I truly believe we can do it,
And have much faith in us.

Other things that start have its end,
But, for our love...
We start...
& there wouldn't be any end.

I'll always love you.
I will always love you more today than yesterday.

Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love.

2009-08-08T15:35:00.003+08:00

"Dah tau penat."

A phrase boyfriend said to me last evening. EXTREMELY TRUE! During those school days, I'll never complaint that I'm tired (Note: Different from lazy. Haha!) unless I attended camps or other activities that's really exhausting. Even when I was working part time back then, I'll have reason like, "I can't sleep." I've always told boyfriend that, "I tak penat la. The only time I penat will be when I attend camps..."

But now, ever since I've started working this full time job, I'll sleep earlier. & most of my weekends I will be at home resting. Resting as in checking emails, play computer games, watching TV, DVD, VCD or even sleep.

Even my collegues don't believe me when I told them that I'm always at home on weekends (Another note: WeekendS not Weekend).

I've finally completed my first project - which is to come up with a webpage (which I used blogspot - since I'm familiar with it).

I've got an opportunity to work on my first event already! When my HOD told me that I have an opportunity to organize an event, I went like, YESSA! Up next, Champs Tea =)

I was out of office for 3 days. 2 days of attachment at Peiying and a day of Induction Programme at Sengkang CC. Another course coming up in about 2 weeks time.

Ok, now I feel kinda lazy already. Haha. I'll share more things soon.

Confusion Lingers Around

2009-08-02T22:35:00.003+08:00

Somehow, due to unforseen circumstances, we had to give our weekend date a miss. No, I'm not upset, just a little sad =(

It's 2238 now, and I've yet to receive his call...

2009-07-26T09:37:00.007+08:00

As time past, I get lazier to blog. Yes, all that's interesting is of course my dates with the love and maybe work(?).

Boyfriend and myself haven't take any pictures for quite some time. Actually we have, it's our 2 nonsense-dah-boring-and-takde-kerja-nye picture which shouldn't be uploaded. HAHA! Oh wells. I won't talk anything about work as yet. Feeling belum sampai untuk memperbualkan perihal kerja =\ Maybe another time.

I am actually at a i-don't-know-what-to-write state now. But I just feel like having a new entry in my blog. Ok, nonsense. But, here's something...

& To My Beloved,

I LOVE YOU!

2009-07-12T16:32:00.012+08:00

A month past so fast. The working environment is not that bad, but I've yet to get myself used to it fully. I'll be busy with this and that, that and this. Some projects are still pending and I've yet to get information from the teachers.

I've been meeting my dearest regularly despite of our irregular schedule. & we had our weekend date last Saturday =) We started our day together at 1010 in the morning. As planned, headed to The Cathay for our Transformers then Bugis and ended our date chilling at home. A fulfilling weekend date I would say =)

We will be missing a lot of nice movies but we will definitely catch those must-watch-in-the-cinema movies at the cinema. Next up, Harry Potter.

To my love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

We had our fulfilling weekend =) & more weekend dates gonna be on its way.
You know I love you a lot. & I love you with all my heart. We both know, we will be by each other side no matter what. We are sure that we will always be strong together and that will never change, ever. No one's perfect. But, having you by my side makes me complete. I love you. & I miss you.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

Pictures Taken on 4th July 2009

Marina Bay Sands View From The Cathay

Alright. That's all for now =)

2009-06-27T13:36:00.005+08:00

[Edited with pictures on 28th June 2009 @ 5.33 PM]

What's interesting about this week?

I got to spend time with the first 4 kids for 2 days =) The experience was great and I am looking forward to more of such activities. & Arts House was nice.

Boyfriend fetch me from work on Wednesday and we headed to Sembawang Shopping Centre area to get my stuffs and also to have our dinner.

Our full day meet up sessions will now become short meet up sessions since the both of us are already working. Yes, sedih. But what to do. We will try get used to this soon.

& boyfriend was being so sweet to fetch me from work again on Thursday even though I end my work at almost 7pm. The fact that he rushed down because he fell asleep after he had cleaning-his-bike-session to fetch me made me felt so touched. As much as I hoped that he will come and fetch me, but actually I didn't expect him to fetch me, seriously.

We both knew that every hour that we can get to spend with each other is more valuable that any other thing. Even though if it means seeing each other for an hour or lesser.

Now, I'm looking forward for next Saturday because it's boyfriend's weekend off! Dengan semangatnye kite dah plan our Saturday =)

To my love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

Dy, I miss you! & I really hope that your reservist won't be so soon! If not confirm lagi sad I tell you. & for now, I look forward to see you on Thursday and of course our Saturday date! & dy, I'm sorry for all unwanted behavior that I've showed you. I know you don't tolerate such behavior and I promise you I won't show it again. I want you to know that I love you so much. I love you with my whole heart. Muah!

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

Pictures Taken on 9th June 2009

That's all for now!

2009-06-20T15:43:00.005+08:00

When I first stepped into the school last Thursday, I felt damn nervous (who wouldn’t right?). & I also had butterflies in my stomach =\ I kinda felt uncomfortable and ‘kekok’ with the environment and people. But, I managed to control my ‘kekok-ness’.

Typical first day at work, we sat down and my HOD explained to me my job scope and my SH handled the handover session. Tour around the school was nice. I was given some tasks to be done during this June Holidays. I’ve yet to complete some of them though. Insya ‘Allah I can in this 1 week =)

I like my job, seriously speaking. I can visualize some of the things that I’ll be doing and furthermore, I have my own planning already in the school. Hopefully, I will be able to talk to my SH about it soon.

Anyway, I often blog hop whenever I’m in the net and when I have the mood that is. I once read a post when the author mentioned something like, if we miss our friends we shouldn’t just say it every single time but we have put some actions to it. (Bukan terasa) But I kinda feel sad because there are people who don’t seemed (or even try) to understand other’s position or situation.

As for me, yes I admit that I miss my friends a lot (the primary, religious class, secondary and poly mates). But, I have my priorities and commitment (not that I am too busy or I decided to turn anti-social) to attend to which makes me not being able to join almost all of the social gathering that were planned. I guess the fact that all my friends who have entered my life will always be in my heart and that they will always be remembered. I am not the kind who will disregard my friends because I believe that this group of people was once been there with and for me and that they will still be. A good friend doesn’t need to be by your side every day but they just need to understand your situation and be there with and for you when they want or need you to.

(Suddenly I feel like the phrase 'Friends come and go' shouldn't exist or doesn't exist at all!)

Hmm, oh well, I miss my friends, the whole bunch of people. & of course I do miss the times we used to have together. Insya’ Allah I will try to manage one of the social gathering plans.

Now that I’m already working, it’s going to be a bit hard for the love and myself to meet. We will only have a full day date once a month. Other than that, we will meet after my work =( This week, he had plans at home and we only met on Wednesday. I’m good so long as I’m able to meet him at least a day in a week. But, I have to admit that I’m missing him more than usual. Something that we can’t avoid but we will try to manage the time as much as we can =) But, I still want to watch Transformers with him! Hah! So, here’s the person I’m missing so much!

To my love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

Yayang, you know I love you a lot don’t you. I will always and I assure you that nothing can ever change that. I will remember what you and dad always remind me. I will take care of myself and you too must remember that you have to take care of yourself. & I want to turn that dream into reality =)

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

As of now, I’ll look forward to more of work next week and of course to meet the love soon!

2009-06-08T18:12:00.006+08:00

It's a new week. & this week, it'll be the start of a new life journey for me. I've got a job already. Actually, I've secured the position about 2 weeks ago =) I'll be working at Yishun and that means I will save a lot on transportation. Alhamdulillah, I've got a job and will be commencing very soon. I am very excited and I am looking forward for my first day at work.

Though the job that I will be doing is not those Hospitality or Tourism events related, but it is somehow events related. & at least what I've learn in RP will be used and applied in my job. I'll work hard for the 3 years and I'm sure that I will be able to excel in this career. Working is not like studying where we can afford to study smart and not study hard. I believe that there's no such thing as working smart because we have to be extreme meticulous with every single bit of work or task that we do. It's not going to be easy but I'm sure I will be able to do it.

For a start, hand-over session for the first 2 days of work. It means that I have 2 days to get at least 95% of all the information that I need to know and note it down. On top of that, it is also important for me to know all the internal and external parties well as I will be liasing with them most of the time. Ok, now that's the hard part. The need to memorise names and remember their faces. I think remembering faces are easier than memorising names! No matter what, I will try my best. &&& not forgetting, adapting with the very new environment.

Many things to be done and it all take effort. I've done a bit of notes on my position as well as the place where I will be working at. 10% of information is secured, I guess. Hah!

Oh, I've talked to the boyfriend. He called me up at about 1.30am and we talked for about 30 minutes. He called me again this afternoon at about 3pm and I was sleeping =\ But, did talked for a while for about 30 minutes. I told him to take a rest as I know he's feeling very tired. Yes, I miss him. I must admit that the one hour on the phone wasn't enough to recover the missed feelings that I have. But, I understand that he's tired. So yeah. We shall meet up soon =)

I don't really come online even though I'm signed in into MSN. But, I had a short chat with a close friend yesterday as it's been very long since we did that. We share a lot of things and we exchange opinions very often. Part of our conversation goes like this...

Miss S: i think it was a day of stupid feelings yet again.

Ju-Ryna: hmmm. the same old feelings?

Miss S: yea kinda.. but things are good now

Miss S: guess have to learn to compromise.

Ju-Ryna: good to hear that. don't think so much. and remember don't let feelings control you. we have to control it. if not, it will overcome our weakness.

Ju-Ryna: urm, well. at times it is not all about compromise =)

Ju-Ryna: it's about communicating and sharing about each other and then adapt to it or change to adapt

Miss S: hah well something like compromise. where you understand about one another and try to adapt to the changes and it will benefit both of you because less conflicts and complications in the relationship. it makes things better though.

Ju-Ryna: urm. i would say compromising is good for a short term period. and you know, at times compromising now will definitely bring the matter back again and again in time to come.

Ju-Ryna: yes, we can compromise. but for how long?

Miss S: hah which is what we are trying not to do. because i hate things to be raking up.

Ju-Ryna: yes. that's the thing. i mean, maybe we didnt realise that we have been compromising too much. and it results in the matter not to rest but instead letting it to be brought up later in future. i mean, there's a possibility of both parties to rake it up and then blame each other for that matter.

Ju-Ryna: maybe, it still depends on what it is about.

Miss S: hah true enough.

Hmm, it's been quite some time since we had our last phone convo too. Perhaps one of these days =)

& now, I'm thinking what would be an appropriate outfit for my first day of work. Dress or Formal? I thought of dress as it's simple and easy for me =) But then again, it's the first day. Shouldn't I be giving a good impression and set on formal outfit? Haha.

To my love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

To YOU, From ME <3

YAYANG! I miss you ok. In fact, I miss you more than usual! I'm sure you know that I love you a lot. But, I'm going to say it again still. I LOVE YOU YAYANG! Muah. Heh. For now, I just want you to have lots of rest. We shall meet up SOON! LOVE YOU MISS YOU YAYANG! MUAH MUAH MUAH! =)

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

That's all for now. Will be back blogging soon =)

2009-06-06T12:56:00.007+08:00

It really feel very weird without any night calls from him. Not only that, I kinda feel lonely too. & it'sonly the first night =\ I will feel this way when ever we missed on our night calls. Hmm, maybe it's just another feeling.

But, we met on Thursday evening. Short but yet a fulfilling date. Also, we managed to take some pictures =) Ala ala penawar rindu. Hah!

So, last night I had to force myself to sleep. I dumped myself on the day-bed in the living room as early as 7.30pm because I know I will definitely fell asleep there. I remembered I was watching 'Love you till death' (or something like that) on Channel 5. I think I fell asleep while watching because mum had to wake me up and ask me to sleep in my room. That was at 1230am.

So, today will be the second day he is away and will be the 2nd night without another night call. I'll get through today just like yesterday, I know I can. & I'm looking forward for the boyfriend's call on Sunday which is tomorrow =)

I miss boyfriend a lot la =( On a brighter note, he'll be off from work till Wednesday =) Then we will start our work on Thursday.

Well, that's for today. I'll back blogging tomorrow.

2009-06-04T15:45:00.001+08:00

I FEEL SAD ALREADY!!! HE'LL BE GOING TO KL TMR MORN TILL SUNDAY =(

k bye.

2009-05-30T15:02:00.003+08:00

Boyfriend and myself, we've been doing a lot and a lot of talkings as of late. We talked about this and that and sharing of opinions and ideas. & it made us feel excited and it could also make us stress. Haha. Oh well, but we're pretty sure that we are able to do it with the help of each other =)

How's our 1000th days? No, we don't pamper ourselves with anything. All we did was exchanging sms-es. Yes, it is simple. That's because words are worthless and that it means a lot =)

As usual, we had our routine dates. We watched Night at the Museum 2 @ AMK Hub on Thursday. It was not bad, but I think I prefer the first one. After the movie, we headed back to Sembawang. We had a very long chat.

While we were happily chatting at the carpark behind my block, he suddenly ran away like about 5 metres away from me. Only when he was that far, then he told me, "Eh you. Lipas terbang (Flying cockroach)!" Yes, my instant reaction was to run towards him. Then I went, "Uh yelah, dah lari baru bilang (run already then tell)..." That flying roach was like flying here and there and we had to run away from it. Tsk. I swear it is so irritating la! In the end, we decided to take our things (together with his motorbike) and head to the seats infront of my block. Haha! Nonsense sak...

It was midnight when we decided to head home.

Another meet up on Friday. We walked around Sun Plaza. & had our lunch at Cavana. Then played Out Run at Star Factory. Then, head back to the carpark behind my block and had another talking session and played some nonsense game. Haha! We parted at 7 plus. Pictures for 29th May 2009...

Pictures done.

To my love, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

I love every single time we spent together, be it together or even on the phone. I always look forward to our dates and also our daily night calls. I really appreciate every single thing that you've been giving me, your love, your care, your attention and everything else. In return, I promise you my love for you will only be for you and it will be till the eternity.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

Now, I kinda don't look forward to next week. Urgh! But I do want it to pass by fast. Why? Because boyfriend will be leaving for KL with his family on Friday and will be back only on Sunday. Ala, 3 days only what. Still!!! 3 days without calls can turn me upside down eh. Ish. But, it's ok. I shall wait for his return. Heh.

Alright. I'm done for now =)

2009-05-29T12:21:00.003+08:00

Our daily days and routine dates are as special as our monthsary. Our 2nd year and 9 months is in 4 days time. But, that's not the point. My point is... in a few hours time, it will be our first 1000th days since we started dating. That makes this day more special as compared to other days. I'll update more soon...

2009-05-21T12:59:00.013+08:00

As usual, I've been busy with this and that. I know I talk like I work already. Hah! The past few weeks I have been accompanying sis to get her preparations done. Its like she came over to my area and I went over to hers. We also did dropped by town. Most of the time I had to go over her place since most of the things need to be done there. Hah. The process is too long to be put into words la. But, the final outcome was GREAT I must say. At least everything was in hand though there may be flaws here and there. Overall, everything when smoothly and that now, everythings done!!!

So, a quick shoutout to my sis. SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU!!! I'll pray for your happiness, health and wealth =) Insya' Allah.

Being busy doesn't stop me from meeting the boyfriend =) Like I've mentioned before, where can miss one! Hah! Now that I am not working (yet), it's best that we meet as much as we can. Once I've started working, our time together will be reduced (definitely). So, we met on his rest days and off days. He also dropped by my place on Friday during his long lunch break.

I'd like to make another quick shoutout to my dear boyfriend. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Alhamdulillah, you passed your TP. Now he have like what, 4 different classes on his driving licence card la!!! Mau tak action. Haha. Harley calling (oi)!!! Heh. Ok dah.

It's been awhile since I blogged about my jobless life. Hah! So, I'm still jobless. What's new. Haha. Recently, I have been attending a few interviews. I remembered having 3 interviews in a week la. The outcome? I am still waiting for call and approval. Insya' Allah in a few weeks I will get a response. Early June, Insya' Allah.

I watched Angels and Demons yesterday with boyfriend at The Cathay. There were this advertisement which have this phrase, "Beautifully imperfect". The ad where this woman was sharing her stories to a group of people. It touched me la!

Talking about movies, next up. A night in the museum 2 and Terminator =)

Ok, now the pictures...

11th May 2009

I make him that heart =)

13th May 2009

16th May 2009 (Sis's Solemnization)

20th May 2009

Pictures Done!!!

I am waiting for the boyfriend to come over actually. So yeah.

Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad...!!!
I love you. & I love you with all my heart. Our 1000th Day is coming and that it feels so special. 9 more days!!! We will work together to make ourselves better to achieve our goal. Insya' Allah. I love you really I love you.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

He is on the way already. Done for now =)

2009-05-06T14:39:00.030+08:00

So much happened of the nothing much happened. I'm proned to do things over and over again but I'm trying not to as much as I can. A promise will always be a promise and that I shouldn't and I won't break them. Ok, that was random. I know he knows.

"Kata orang lebih baik menerima cinta daripada lelaki yang mencintai kita daripada kita mencintai lelaki itu kerana cinta seperti itu pasti bahagia akhirnya." - Adapted from a book titled, "Seindah Janji", Chapter 10 page 134, written by Shariena Sharel.

"Sayang, lihat ombak itu. Begitu tabah mengejar pantai walaupun ia tahu tidak akan mampu memiliki pantai itu. Ombak samalah seperti abang, sentiasa mengejar cintamu walaupun abang tahu satu saat nanti abang akan pergi meninggalkanmu." - Adapted from a book titled, "Seindah Janji", Chapter 12 page 155, written by Shariena Sharel.

It will definitely feel good to have someone who loves us more than we love them. But then again, we can't measure love. I thought that we could and would never know whose love is more when it comes to relationship. But as for me, I will always assume that I love more than I'm being loved =)

These days I've been a bit busy. I had interviews. Met my sis. & of course meet my lovely boyfriend (where can miss one). Hah! Kinda tiring but I have today and tomorrow to recharge myself. Heh.

I've been helping my sis out for her big day which is going to be like what, next week. Time flies so fast. She still have stuffs to settle and I'll be giving her a helping hand this week and next week. *Kak, if you're reading this, you better remember eh. Find what you need first eh. Then can find other things. Haha.*

Anyway, boyfriend and I have been talking, discussing, informing and reminding ourselves about ourselves. That's just how we should work. I'm not saying that we are not doing that, just that in everything we do, sure there are rooms for improvement what. Right, yayang? After so long of not taking pictures and after much complaining to boyfriend about it, finally we had our short outside-my-house-photo shoot session =) My photo taking skills have improved by a little bit. Still, I think his skills are better than me la =\ The last time we had our short carpark-behind-my-block-photo shoot session was on 15th February 2009. The pictures were edited by the boyfriend. This time round, I edited the pictures that we took 2 days back =)

We had our share of the good times =) & we also had our share of not-so-good times =( We had talked it out and we shall put those behind us.

After days of going out, I have to clear those dust now. I miss doing house work. Hah! My room is getting messier and it's time to get it done. Oh well, after posting this that is la kan.

On a random note, I'm still unemployed.

& as usual, here's for you, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

Time is moving very fast and we're moving together with it. Without our instant realization, it's been more than 2.5 years. I just want you to know that I trust you, and I want you to trust me too. I know you do and you will. There are more to come and I know we will pull through each and every single one of them together.

& yayang, I love you a lot. I miss you alot too. &&& I can't wait to meet you on Saturday. Heh!

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

Ok, I'm done for now. It's time for me to do house work and be a good house-daughter =)

2009-04-19T13:27:00.010+08:00

Do listen to the song below if you readers have time. & the lyrics are below...

Merah_-_Cintaku.mp3 -

[Start of Lyrics]

Sebelum kau langkah pergi
Kasih, Lihat dulu ke wajahku
Renung tajam mataku
Dapatkah, Kau memahami aku

Sebelum kau kata putus
Tunggu, Dengarlah penjelasanku
Ini, Rayuanku kepadamu
Jangan, Terlalu ikutkan hati

Cintaku
Janganlah kau pergi dariku
Janganlah kau tinggalkan aku
Ku masih memerlukan kamu

Cintaku
Seandainya kau terguris hati
Seandainya kau teluka lagi
Maafkanlah diriku

Sebelum kau langkah pergi
Kasih, Lihat dulu ke wajahku
Renung tajam mataku
Jangan, terlalu ikutkan hati

Cintaku
Janganlah kau pergi dariku
Janganlah kau tinggalkan aku
Ku masih memerlukan kamu

Cintaku
Seandainya kau terguris hati
Seandainya kau terluka lagi
Maafkanlah diriku

[Lyrics Ended]

Feeling2 lagu melayu. Hah! When I heard the song for the first time, I got speechless. The song is meaningful and very touching to me. I realized that these days, many songs make me reflect again and again on myself. Not only that, but it also acts as a reminder to me.

Anyway, I’ve GRADUATED! Yes, officially graduated from Republic Polytechnic, School of Hospitality with a Diploma in Integrated Events Management.

Now that I have graduated, I had decided to work. I am and I have been looking for jobs all over Singapore. I am and I have been sending my resumes / CVs to all kind of companies. So yeah, Insha’Allah there will be one in time to come =)

I was on the net when I read a phrase that goes “Is it worth to let go of a relationship after years of endurance and heartache together? Why fall in love only to separate later On?” I’ll take this phrase as a motivation advice. Things have to be thought over carefully and not make a decision that we may not like, or worst, make us regret later.

Tomorrow will mark two years of big bro’s absence from this family. I won’t elaborate. *Al-Fatehah*

Meet ups with the love will never be missed. But I miss taking pictures with him =( I will do just that at our next date that is. We have been watching a lot of movies and there are more to come.

Anyway, here’s for you, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad.

Thank you for all the support that you’ve been giving me. Without your support I think I wouldn’t have been this strong so as to go through all the difficult time. Thank you for the never ending encouragement. With your encouragement, I’ve finally made through Republic Polytechnic. Thank you for being there and staying by my side every single time I need you to. Without you, I won’t know what I’d be. Thank you for your patience towards my attitude even though it may hurt your feelings. Thank you for the realization for me to make me realize what’s lacking in me and what I can do to make things better. Thank you for the uncountable chances that you’ve been giving me time and again so that I can still change myself. Thank you for the increasing unmeasureable love that you’ve been consistently giving me. I want to thank you for everything, every single thing that you’ve been giving and doing for me.

You may not be perfect and so am I. But, I love the way you are. I love you for who you are. I love you. I will always love you. I love you with all my heart. Love may be just a word, but it is a word which can never be defined like any other words. It’s something to be felt within our hearts and I hope you can and will always feel my love for you.

-Written with hugs, kisses and uncountable love-

Anyway, I’ve finally managed my inbox, myself =) both emails as well as texts. For those who know me, I am not the kind who will manage my inbox frequently =\ & yes, it’s a very bad habit of mine. The last time I remembered there was a kind soul by the name of Aisha Majid volunteered to clear my email inbox for me. But from now on, I will manage it frequently so that I do not need to think about deleting it in bulk in future. Heh!

Ok, I think I’m done for now. I will update as and when I feel like it =)

2009-04-04T13:29:00.003+08:00

I understand that it is never easy for us to get over certain things and put it all behind us. Especially when it breaks and hurts our heart real badly. I truly understand because I had been in that situation before even though the situation is not exactly the same.

Make up things is just the option left because we can't possibly undo what's already done. How hurt we may be, it won't be as much as what the other party's suffering.

"Walaupun hubungan mereka telah terjalin lebih dari lima tahun, namun dia tidak pernah jemu, malah semakin hari dia merasakan kasih sayang dan cintanya kepada Zarina semakin menebal, setebal kanta cermin mata seseorang yang duduk bertahun-tahun di hadapan komputer." - Adapted from a book titled, "Indahnya Kemaafan", Chapter 21 page 156, written by Nurul Astiqha.

I read the book and came across that sentence. I don't know how to comment, but I feel that the sentence is interesting and that it really means a lot.

Lyrics of a song titled “I will be” by Leona Lewis / Avril Lavigne (My featured song)

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

[Bridge:]
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Verse 2:]
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

[Bridge:]
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Ending bridge:]
Without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here, with me, do you see,
You're all I need

[Chorus:]
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Chorus:]
I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Every single line in this song is meaningful, the bold ones are the ones that I will emphasize on. To the love, this is for you.

From the bottom of my heart:
The feelings that I am having for you, Mohammad Saini Bin Arshad, is far way more than how you would or could even think. I love you a lot. I apologise for everything that had happened these few months. I will be loving you and will always be.

& I miss my bro. *Al-fatehah*

2009-03-17T10:01:00.002+08:00

It have been the most important belonging to me and it is still as important, in fact it's much more than that. It's been years that I treasured something so much but still I took for granted.

It take years to fall in love but it take seconds to hate. It take years for one to change for the better but it take seconds to change for the bad.

Being in love, is not purely only about love. It's much more than that. It's not only about one but two. It's not only about giving but it's also about accepting. & it's not only about demanding and telling/asking but it's also about listening and understanding.

Have I care? Have I understand? Have I listen? Have I accept? Or have I even spare a thought for others?

2009-03-10T20:38:00.003+08:00

6 months of hardwork and it really paid off!!! I successfully passed the lifetime test =) I have to agree with boyfriend that it is kinda hard to pass when you're a first timer. The man sitting beside you is just so observant to see each and every seconds of your movements. Even a step missed, it counts.

As for me, everything went well at first. However, towards the end, things got messed up! Urgh! I was all tensed up while waiting at the waiting area for the comments as well as the result. I am aware of 3 out of the 4 "sins" that I made during the test, that's why. Waiting for the test result was as bad as waiting for my 'O' Level results la! But, when the result's up I felt relieved and happy =))

YES, I'M VERT HAPPY!!!

I really appreciate the prayers given by all. Kate orang, berkat orang orang yang disayangi dan menyayangi. Alhamdulillah.

2009-03-06T10:00:00.004+08:00

It’s been more than a week! Hah. I just had near to nothing to update about, that’s the reason to the neglection of this blog. So, here I am trying to blog as much things as I can, and that’s if I remember =\

Notification of Graduation from Republic Polytechnic

Well, like finally!!! I’m done with school. I felt so happy that I’ve successfully made it through. & thanks to my parents for believing in me and that they were always there to support me and provide every single thing that I need for school. Also, to the love who have always been there every single time to give me moral support. Without his words of encouragement I guess I would have gave up long ago! & also to Eddie (my previous Program Chair) who encouraged me not to repeat my studies but just give my all and make it through, which I did =) Lastly to those friends and usuals who always tell me to come to school, you know who you are. Really, thanks to all!!!

Graduation Ceremony

So, I’m somehow looking forward to my Graduation Ceremony. It will be an official end of school days =) Tuesday, 7th April 2009 it will be @ 8.30am. I’m entitled to 1 invite officially. & another invite if there are enough seats later on the day. Part ni kental =\ Hmm, but it’s ok. Both reserved for mum and dad.

As usual, for graduates, we will need to wear the Graduation Attire.

BUT! I will need to BUY the Graduation Attire la!!!

Next Tuesday will be my BIG day!!! Pray for my success ok, heh.

As usual, boyfriend has been busy with his work as of late. Yes, I have to understand and I understood. Everything’s good. Though things may just come smacking right at our faces, still we managed to get all through, Alhamdulillah. We will meet soon on a Friday or on a weekend. & I really look forward to meet him though it may be kind of unpredictable. Though we don’t get to meet as often as we used to do, but I believe in the saying, “Distant makes the heart grows fonder!” Hah!

So, as usual all I did was to stay at home and find more and more jobs. I went for some interview. Some said they will call me for more interviews or give me a call if I am selected. Hmm, oh wells with the situation as it is now, Economic downturn, it’s going to be hard to get a job. But, once I got a job I’ll sustain that job till the economic cure!

Part of my initiative to get jobs, I went to Sembawang’s and Suntec City’s Career Fair. Sembawang’s Career Fair was alright. But, as for Suntec City’s Career Fair, Sha and me headed home with disappointment! Too much Educational stuffs in the fair as compared to Employment. So, we have zero companies. What to do...

Graduation night or party for my SOH is still pending, sadly. I am just waiting for the details to come up. Hopefully there will be one and soon. They are looking at 3rd April, hmm.

&&& I changed my song. A song by Akon entitled “Be with you”. I would like to sing this to the boyfriend, but I can’t sing. Hah! So here I would like to dedicate this to MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE, MOHAMMAD SAINI BIN ARSHAD. The lyric is below.

*I know they wanna come and separate us
But they can't do us nothin'
You're the one I want and I'ma continue lovin'
'Cause you're considered wifey and I'm considered husband
And I'ma always be there for you

And either way you look at it, I ain't goin' nowhere for my muffin'
'Cause she gonna hold it down, can't nobody tell her nothin'
You got the kind of love that always make a better fussin'
And that's what gets me closer to you

And no one knows why I'm into you
'Cause you'll never know what it's like to walk in our shoes
And no one know the things we've been through
Can never measure up to half of what I put you through
That's why we'll break through

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you

Seems like every day that go by, things are gettin' harder
Wanna be the one that give you the whole enchilada
'Cause I know what my baby like, I lean you on that Prada
You ain't got to match with the shoes

All about knowin' you, I'm into doin' things to keep her longer
Stickin' together forever, watch you grow stronger
That's the way it has to be, everythin' problem
Keepin' it always true

And no one knows why I'm into you
'Cause you'll never know what it's like to walk in our shoes
And no one know the things we've been through
Can never measure up to half of what I put you through
That's why we'll break through

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you

You are everythin' in my life, see the joy you bring
And ain't no one I compare you to
And I know that you will never walk away from me no matter what
And that's why I plan to do the same thing for you
And I want you to know

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you*

Yes, I'm gonna be with you no matter what happens. I love you and I love you with all my heart.

*Edited @ 2245*

Just like last Friday, boyfriend came over during his long lunch break today. We had our share of quality time together tv-ing and just rest. As of now, we don't really see quantity, but more to quality. Like I've mentioned before, "Distant makes the hearts grow fonder." =)

But, something just had to crop up and turn my day around. First things first, you don't even inform us about your 1st big day 2 years back. What's worst, it falls on the wrong day and you still have the cheek to proceed with your plan. What do you take us as? You don't even show your respect or even acknowledgement. What ever you're trying to do. Now, your BIG DAY is here soon. Do you think I should attend and give face to you??? Urgh. Thanks uh for today. Serious.

Boyfriend called at the right time, seriously. The time I need to speak my mind out and share what is in my heart and mind. Yes, I agree with him that I have to move on. & I am. I have been. But still, I miss enjoying the never ending brotherly love that I used to have. I know all that won't come back. Maybe I used to pray that the brotherly love will come back, but now, no. NO MORE! I won't wait no more. But, I will enjoy the current love that I have with my existing family and also the boyfriend. I will enjoy those and of course appreciate them every single second. I know they are the only people I can turn to when ever I need them.

My day end with a call from the love. & it's a nice wrap up for the day =)

2009-02-23T03:00:00.003+08:00

I knew today was my mistake, Everything. I apologise sincerely from my heart.

I'm sorry for everything.

I love you and I will always be.

2009-02-20T15:00:00.008+08:00

I hate people, or to be exact aunties, who tap their ez-link card together with their bag. Irritating la. That thingy is to tap card not tap bag. & they have a tendency to take a longer time to pass the exit point when they do just that. Worst, if that thingy fails to read their card. All the people behind got hold up because of them. ALAMAK i tell you, mintak kene!!! Hah.

Anyway, boyfriend was so nice to surprise me on Sunday. I thought he was working la. He gave me a call at about 1330 and said that he was already at the car park behind my place. Wah seh, I haven't get ready la! So yeah, we headed to Causeway point and catch a movie. Valkyrie. After which we headed to Choa Chu Kang for dinner with his family. That's our Sunday.

My weekdays, as usual. Stay at home. Find for work. Hah. Considering some temporary jobs for now. We'll see how eh.

Met boyfriend last night for dinner. & he is sending me pictures which we took last Sunday using his NEW CAMERA!!! Action pe. MSN is being irritating with its never ending lagging. But, thanks to MSN picture swap or whatever that thingy is called, picture sharing is much more easier. Alas, all pictures up, heh. &&& he is so semangat la to edit all the pictures. Hah.

Oh wells. I guess, that's it la eh for now. More updates later. Hah. Pictures...

2009-02-15T00:00:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY LOVE!!!

I love you and I will always do. Muah muah muah.

2009-02-14T12:00:00.001+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

I stayed at home most of the days, even today. I don't really have much to update about what is happening in my life as there are nothing interesting that had happened. Nothing has changed as everything seems the same. So yeah.

I was reading a friend's sister's blog. She was mentioning things about NS. & it reminds me of those days. It's just another stage in life that girls have to go through. Maybe not all girls, but at least girls with NS boyfriends. I swear it was hard. There are times when what we girls give are not being appreciated. Its not that they choose not to appreciate it or even see it, it's just that they think a bit too much about themselves and their feelings that they don't give themselves a chance to see what we gave them. It takes time to explain and understand the whole situation - it takes both to understand the situation and also each other's take and feelings on this. It's never easy. Patience and understanding.

V'day is another special day. Not for celebration. But it's more to an appreciation day. Every single day could also be V'day. But who in the world would say their words of appreciation every single day to their partners. Right? Maybe once in a while yeah la. I mean, boyfriend and myself would also say such words once in a while but of course not everyday. I mean yeah. V'day is a day that we could bring all the words of appreciation together and present it to the loved ones. They don't need to be physically there infront of us. It could also be in words - card or even sms.

Well, I'm kinda sad because of the situation that I am at right now. & at the same time I truly understand the situation. We don't choose to be here, we were brought to be here. Yes, I miss him so much to the extent that I teared every single night before going to bed. But, we cannot change it. It's already a duty of his and so on my part I need to have a positive take on this. Let's just hope everything will be good and that time will past fast. 7 weeks to go.

Hmm, I guess that's it for now.

&&& BOYFRIEND I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! LOVES, HUGS & KISSES

2009-02-09T12:20:00.001+08:00

My February starts terribly. Only god knows what happens and how I felt. But, am glad to say that everything's just fine and is back on track.

Did nothing much last week. I rot like nobody's business. Now, my parents had started to nag and get all worried for me. Why? Because I want to work yet I haven't got one yet! With that, they add more stress on me =\

Hmm. For now, I guess I have almost nothing to look forward too. Yes, that disappointing. So much for things are back on track but then another thing have to get into our way. & so, the bad news is the boyfriend won't be having a single rest day and off day for TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT as of this week. Tell me about it. At this stage of my life where I need all his attention.

& what, I got to know only last night. Thanks to myself uh for sleeping over the phone. If not I should have known about it days ago. Dumb.

Haiz. I've always wanted him to be there for my test and also my Graduation Ceremony la!!!

Haiz. Yes, I'm sad and disappointed. EXTREMELY!

Well, I can't stop or change anything what! Just hope that the 2 months will be over soon. & like he said, he is still in Singapore, not like as if he is in Germany or what. Still, I don't know how my feelings are like la. Undescribeable eh please.

On a brighter note, he promised to drop by. I really hope I'll stay strong.

I've got my things ready since last week. I was all excited about it la. Oh wells. At least the only days am looking forward to will be the days he will call or text me and say, "Later I meet you ok?" and his late night calls.

Hmm. Was planning to go out for walk in interview today, but I think I need this one day to cool myself.

I'm already missing boyfriend la!

2009-02-04T09:53:00.005+08:00

A few happened after last Friday. It was so out of expectation.

Got to know he was sent to the hospital by his mum only after midnight, which was officially a Sunday. Only God knows how my feelings were when he told me about his condition. It was all over the place. I thought after the short meet up on Friday, things were at least on it's way back on track. & I thought I could pay back my late night sleeps. But, no. Those late night sleeps got later and turned out to be unpeaceful sleeps too.

All I wanted was for him to rest. I was all worried about him. My feelings didn't just end there. Things happened on Sunday night which really really really upsets me and it made me realized some things. Some simple words could make a huge impact. I really wished those words didn't come out at all.

Accompanied him to the polyclinic near his place on Monday morning. New prescription and more MCs. Sent him home and went back at 3pm to let him rest. Hmm, plus his rest day and off day, he'll be at home till Thursday.

I've never seen him that weak before. But I swear I am proud of him, though he know he is going to have a hard time, he still pushed himself to practice walking by himself. Yes, he said he is getting better. I have yet to see his condition. Meeting him later.

I'm grateful that everything is good for now. Will always pray for his condition to get better in days to come.

Note: No matter what happens you know I'll still be here for you and with you. I love you more than you think I do. You're much more important than how you imagine it to be.

2009-01-30T00:41:00.003+08:00

At times, it is better to miss someone when they are overseas rather than missing someone when they are here in the same island as you. It hurts knowing that someone is far away from us, but it hurts more knowing that someone is so near you and yet meeting each other is so almost near to impossible.

I'm missing him so much that I couldn't control my tears any longer. All I need now is to be strong and patience.

*EDITED: Friday, January 30, 2009, 1/30/2009 4:03:00 PM*

Boyfriend dropped by during his long lunch break today! =) Yes, I feel better now. Did some cooking at home today, and the timing is just nice as I can serve the love lunch. Hopefully the cure I had today could last for a few more days, till the love's off day that is. As for now, I'll be very very busy with my job application like almost everywhere and everyday. Hopefully a soul will get back to me as soon as NEXT WEEK. OH PLEASE!

I love him a lot and still missing him though. Alright. That's all.

2009-01-27T19:50:00.003+08:00

Met the boyfriend for about 5 hours plus today. He's unwell. I managed to make myself look cool though the fact I was so damn worried and sad. Been a while since we had our quality dates. I WANT TO CRY ALREADY!!! I really hope this week will end fast. Dy, I miss you.

2009-01-25T20:06:00.009+08:00

The week is so draggy. & yes, how I hate it. =\

School is officially over. No more daily powerpoints presentations. No more 2.5 hours lunch break. No more fish pasta for me. Though sometimes I kinda don't like to go to school, but I'm gonna miss school so much. Why? Because it is the time when I could "steal" time here and there to slot in some personal activities like playing games, sms-ing, talking on the phone, meet the usuals and more. Also, I'm gonna miss those usuals, ULEs. I guess I'm gonna miss them like how I'm missing my Semb mates. Wells, as time past things gonna change.

There are some dates I'm looking forward to. 24th February will be the day my official results will be out and I will get my FULL transcript. 7th April will be my Graduation Ceremony. Graduation Party have yet to confirm its date =\ 10th March will be an achievement day of something (Secret! Haha). &&& 15th February that is =) I've yet to get some stuffs.

Talking about getting something, so stress eh. I have no jobs and how to get things eh. I need to get my formal outfit for Graduation Ceremony!!! Top, bottom and shoes. Please eh, girls need to wear skirts! Ish. Baru plan want to wear long pants. =\ I have my skirt though, so shall save for top and shoes.

I don't know why but I miss him so much. I'm missing him more than usual. & I feel like crying when ever I miss him like this. Hopefully things are good. Shall talk to him soon.

Been talking in MSN to a long lost friend named KIMIE. LONG LOST LA SANGAT! Padahal padahal. Haha. Did some catching up and she shared her problems with me. Been long since we did that because we used to when we work together at Sakura. Hmm...

I guess most of you would know that NTU have this seminar at Suntec City. My parents wants to go. But then again, I'm not furthering my studies, then for what right want to attend the seminar. Hmmm, weird parents.

I knew they have always wanted me to study till U. I mean, not that I'm not interested. I swear I do have the interest and I have always wanted to. But because of some issues that I had and also after much thoughts on what I want to do in life and not wanting to make things more complicated, I made the decision not to continue my studies. So, no matter what I will start working and that's it.

Oh wells, I don't wish to put myself into a lot of pressure. But, at times things just come to me. Hopefully I will be strong and make it through every obstacles eh.

I guess, my sharing ends here for now. I shall update again if I want to. Ending with pictures taken during FYP II and today.

2009-01-18T17:56:00.019+08:00

This week seems so slow. I wonder why...

Nothing interesting happened. Final Year Project II is finally OVER! I won't forget the stressful period which I had with the team mates right before our presentation. It was way more stressful as compared to my Final Year Project I la. Damn. But, the actual presentation was alright! I was able to answer the questions asked by the invigilators =) VERY GOOD!!! Well, just like Haris mentioned, there's no right or wrong answers eh. Much thanks to my team mates, Jasmine, Sherwin, Asri, Ash. We have done our best and let's hope for the best! Now, everythings done for school. I can not come to class already. How nice is that. I've done my best to be where I am at now and I am fairly satisfied with that. Ok, enough about school that is.

Now, none of the employers actually get back to me!!! This must be because of my expected salary. Damn. But, I don't care. I mean it is negotiable what! Oh well, I will keep on trying until I get a job. Now, I'm stress about this. K k. Chills...

E Hub was alright. It was my idea to go over as we were already at Expo that day. Furthermore, I have 2 free cathay movie tickets. So yeah, we watched Ong Bak 2. Movie was nice and the theatre was not bad too! There's a table top la attached to the seat, cool or what. Then...

We went to Marina Barrage =) The way he describe the place to me was like so cute la please. Mintak kene cubit sak. Haha. Ish. Anyway, we went all around and took pictures all over. Super nice! &&& I was super excited la!!! Nice, thanks to him =)

Hmm. I'm easily affected by some things recently and I have no idea why. I didn't mean to get all affected but it makes me feel that there are other people who seems to be more special than me somewhere, somewhat. I felt so sad. Well, what's more important is I know what's and how's my feelings. I've always love one person and that's him. Maybe it is just about my sudden unsecure feelings that came into the picture. Thing's still good and please always be good.

Well, perhaps its just those lingering feelings yet again. Other than that everything's good. Finishing with pictures...

E Hub!

Marina Barrage - View from the top

Flyer's Background

Flyer from Marina Barrage

The city from Marina Barrage

Me with Flyer Background

Him with Flyer Background

Me with Golf Course Background

Him with Golf Course Background

Us with Golf Course Background

The Stadium

Me with The Stadium Background

Him with The Stadium Background

Street of Marina Barrage or should it be Pathway of Marina Barrage?

=)

=)

Water lights

US =)

DIEM's Formal - TUESDAY! (Tak perlu sak)

DIEM's Casual

DIEM's Informal (Usuals and others)

2009-01-11T13:04:00.000+08:00

Decision made... I just had to drop the idea of working in the hotel industry due to reasons. The idea of working in a hotel came into the picture when I was granted this course (Integrated Events Management) in RP. Yes, customer service have always been one of my interests since I completed my 'O' level and that I even started to work as a waitress at Sakura Cuisine(s). Apart from that, tourism industry was on its way to boost the economy and I thought that it could be a good idea to stay focus in this industry. I even got an opportunity to be part of the Marina Bay Sands(hotel). I went for their briefing and 1st interview, supposedly waiting for the next interview. Oh wells...

I have my own plans, thats why I decided not to continue searching jobs in the hotel industry and put a stop to MBS too. Now (as suggested by him) I am trying to find a more secure position in some organizations. I really hope I will be able to get good response from them.

I find it's kinda stressful at this point of time as the decision made to change my focus on my career path is kinda last minute. But, a good change I would say. Patience and I will be able to make it. I can't afford to wait till months, because by then I'm gonna gain 10 more or even more kgs =\ Just hope that I'll get response from some of the organizations that I've applied for.

Last day of school (officially) would be on 23rd January. But, I've decided not to attend the last week of school. Still I'm considering again if I should go because I still want to meet those usuals, or also known as ULEs. Hmm...

I read Razan's blog and what attracted me was the part when she said, "Friends come and go." VERY TRUE!!! I've to agree with that because I've seen that since ages ago. Our priorities changed as we grow. That's the reason for everything. There were days when we fight, quarel or even argue over friends. But now, I would say that is childish. Friends were everything as they were so close to us and that other things seems to be not so important to us. We do almost everything with our bunch of friends. When I say everything, I really mean EVERYTHING. But, the things we do changed as we have our own things to do. Like interests, schools and others. As time past, the daily calls that we used to have become a yearly call. Sad.

But, one thing for sure we won't forget those friends. We might have our own things to do, but the term friends won't fade away. I'm happy as my friends still acknowledge me and that me too acknowledge them. That's good enough to keep the friendship going =)

As of now, I'd be concentrating more on myself, my relationship as well as family. I've more than what I think I have to do. Some things are stepping ahead while there are still things which are stuck, like me trying to find jobs =\ I'll continue and patience that is.

- I don't know why but at times vulgarities could affect me so much. With friends, it seems to be something normal as we use it in our daily conversation. But, when it comes to special people, I got all afected. Damn. But, good thing everythings good and is still in place. Hopefully, nothing similar will happen again and that I won't start myself. -

I sensed something(s) gonna change or changing =\ Wait and see...

2009-01-04T08:39:00.010+08:00

My New Year was expected. I don't even bother to switch on the TV to watch fireworks. How sad =( However, he called me at 0051 (though a bit late) to say happy new year and also to share our resolutions for the year.

I kinda find myself not in the mood to blog at this very moment. Blame it on the bloody things that have been lingering all over. But, I just wanna blog.

Anyway, something strucked me. Just yesterday I heard, "Man cannot be trusted fully," 2 times in EC and Manja Lara. I know it's just a show/drama or whatsoever, but it's kinda true. But then again, we should give ourselves the chance to learn how to trust and also we can give them another chance to prove themselves that they are trustworthy. Hmm, I would say trusting someone who had broken the trust(s) is quite hard ey.

I swear I'll be dragging myself to school tomorrow!!! YEAH, school starts tomorrow. Ish. But never mind, its gonna be my last 3 weeks. I'm still thinking if I should work part time while searching for a full time job. Hmm. I'll see though. That was mum's idea.

I don't feel like going on. But, lastly here's the selected pics taken on the day I met sis and also New Year with him.

2008-12-28T19:00:00.000+08:00

December is coming to an end very very soon.

I've read many blogs saying that 2008 is ending soon. & as per normal, there are ups and downs in life each year. No one knows what's gonna be in store for us all next year as well as the upcoming years. All we always hope is that life would be better than it is in the previous years. I pray for that too.

Just this year, 3 of my friend's grandparent (which happens to be grandmum) passed away. I dare not say or ask anything. No, not that I don't care, but I just couldn't bring myself to my friends and ask. For reasons that I have. I felt the pain ages ago and I don't want to bring those tearful moments back again. All I could do is to say some prayers for them. Insya' Allah, they'll live peacefully there.

I've improved a lot I must say in my grades. I managed to attend almost every lesson for all the modules. Satisfied as I've pushed myself and soon I'm gonna make it through. Insya' Allah. Waiting for the final lap, which would be my Final Year Project 2 presentation as well as the 3 weeks of lessons. After which, I'll be done.

I don't feel like typing my other reflections because I'm lazy and I think that there isn't a need too. All I know, I'd want my upcoming years to be better than this year as well as the previous years. If I haven't changed my ways this year, I'd aim to change myself for the better in the upcoming years.

I realized my mindset changed. I don't know how I did it or how it happened, all I know is that it changed, for the better. Am grateful for that as it makes me a happier person.

Though I think that watching fireworks is like nothing special now, but I don't know why I feel like watching them. Visualizing the crowds when ever there's fireworks always make me change my mind. Urgh!

This week seems to be pretty slow. I don't know why.

But, the movie The Journey To The Centre Of The Earth (3D) was nice. Watched with the beloved boyfriend over at town again.

We also headed to Jurong Point as well as Jurong Point 2. It's damn big. The 2 building is now connected. There are many shopping malls that are going to be expanded. Lots of them. Northpoint coming soon too. Sembawang Shopping Centre too.

On Friday, sis called to ask me out =) She treated me to Swensen's for a belated birthday gift. Been long since we last seen each other too. & yes I miss those moments. Especially the late night outings. But yeah, some things are meant to be changed. Though we never meet much, I really hope that we will still keep in touch.

I don't know why but I feel tired while typing this post =\

* I miss boyfriend so much!!! I can cry just by thinking how much I miss him and how much I treasure him in this life. All I Ever Needed! *

2008-12-21T09:13:00.004+08:00

I'm done with the first week of holidays. I cannot wait to go to school again because once the term starts, it means I'll only have 3 weeks of lessons and am done with school. I'll miss school definitely. And also, the people whom I spent with during the 3 years in this poly life especially those from my secondary school. Though we didn't manage to spend as much time like we did since the first time we get into poly, still I treasure those moments. & yes, I miss those moments so much. Time changed, but I hope people won't think that I changed too.

Nothing much happen this week. Standard three, I'll be over at Bukit Batok, out with boyfriend or be at home. I watched Bolt (3D) and Twilight with the love. I'm kinda lazy to talk about it but all I would say is I'm satisfied with both =)

There are ups and downs in life. At times, we just want to know because we need to know. There are also times when the things we need to know are not meant to be known, for the time being. Boyfriend told me we will definitely know what we need to know, but we have to wait for it to come to us. It will definitely come. After all, everything can't be kept forever.

Maybe everyone sees me as an immature person still. Who still can't make my own decision. Cannot stand on my own. Cry over matters. Yada yada yada. I guess, I can't be bothered anymore to the certain things that have been happening. I just want to put a stop to this thinking of mine and I'll just let things happened as it is. But at the same time, knowing my responsibilities. Which is far way more important than anything else. I'll take boyfriend's advice, and start being a self that I should long ago. Let's just put a full stop for the time being and do what I am suppose to do.

I have been searching for jobs online for months. I've yet to get a response from at least one of them. It really irritates me but I understand, patience is all I need to be for now. I just need to find a job so that I can work after graduation. I just need it. & I think I really need it desperately. YES, DESPERATELY!!!

On a brighter note, I did have a great time with boyfriend this week as usual. I guess, I feel tense because I was sicked. Haha. Anyways, 2 pictures taken when we watched Bolt (3D) =)

2008-12-14T08:26:00.005+08:00

It's almost mid of the month. It feels so yesterday that I just typed last week's entry saying "1st week of December is coming to an end." And now, second week is already coming to its end.

My previous entry was a higlight of what happened on my day, 8th December 08. I didn't want to delay for some reasons, so yeah. It feels like my day seems to be more than one day. Haha. Lil bro got me this Ferrero Rondnoir 2 days after, 10th December 08. I just woke up that morning when he goes, "Kak, Happy Birthday!" Haha. Cute sak. Even though he is that irritating, naughty and likes to make me angry, he never fails to make me smile when I need them =)

Then I was home from my FYP meeting on Wednesday on the same day, 10th December 08 when I found a package on my bed with a note attached to it. &&& it was from mum la!!! She got me 3 different tops. (I think she knew I am in need of tops. Haha.) & yes, I liked them all. When I came back on Thursday from my FYP meeting, I found this cute lil bear on my bed. Haha. & again, it's from mum. She told me that she saw it somewhere and randomly bought it. Haha. Oh wells, at the end of the day I felt all happy =)

*I would like to say TP bodoh. At times I just felt that they do not have any standard procedure which I think they SHOULD have. Because of their procedures which varies, they make road users disrespect them. & I would like to say, friends, as much as you can, please do not work under the police force. KERJA ASYIK KENE MEYUMPAH JEK. (Work that always get cursed) Hidup tak aman. (Unsafe life I would say) *

The trip to JB on the 8th was nice and relaxing. Didn't manage to snap pictures due to the rushing moments and it's raining. But, I did enjoy the time there =)

Alas my FYP report is done and it's already submitted. For now, waiting for the presentation which would be on 14th January 2009 from 1pm to 4pm. This is the final lap, after which everything will be all done! Happy or what.

I think I'm lacking of energy for both my mental and physical. Productivity rate for this week seems so low and I have been turning in early the whole of this week. Though it's already the holiday period now, I've been turning in before 1230. Not a good sign. I'll get all lazy if this continue. WAKE UP JU!!!

"Sagittarius You can't deny it - you've been slacking a bit lately. If you want things to change, you have to start from within." - That's what written on one of my daily horoscope. So true.

There are some work to be done today. & I have to get it done before I get lazier. That's it for this week =)

2008-12-10T13:45:00.005+08:00

Last teens' years, nine-teen that is. Thanks to all who wished me personally, through messages, friendster comments as well as tagboard. Much much much appreciated. I love you all and you all know that.

I ended my eight-teenth with boyfriend. It was very sweet of him to give that surprise visit at 2211hours to pass me my birthday gifts. Boyfriend knew well that I would be tempted to open the packages and that was why he told me to keep them at home first. After much negotiation, we came to an agreement that I'll only open the packages upon receiving his call later that night. Yes, I kept them and went down again. We went over to Sun Plaza to buy some munchies and proceeded to my void deck. We sat down and chatted till almost midnight.

I reached home at 0000hrs. The temptation was so strong, but I have to keep to my words. Waited for his call which finally arrived at 0043hrs. As instructed, was asked to read the card that he wrote first. Followed by the first package (slimmer package) and lastly the second package (squarish).

I was surprised when I knew he actually wrote a card. I mean, it is not rare for guys to write, but guys writing long essay-liked card is very rare. It was really sweet of him to write, really. &&& I was touched by the words he wrote in the card. Yes, I teared while reading. But, I was still able to talk to him a few words.

The first package I opened was a frame with our pictures ranges from 2006 till 2008. He even put our latest picture dated 5th December la!!! The frames have the border of Winnie the Pooh. Sweet la!!!

The second package, was a couple bear with a ring attached to it. I swear I wasn't expecting that much. By the time I saw this, I burst in tears la!!! & I wasn't able to utter a word for a short period of time. I didn't know what to say.

Yes, I agree that he said the gifts were simple. Simple + Sweet. He also said, "It means a lot me."

Dear you know what, It means EVERYTHING to me. I won't forget these moments, really. I truly appreciate what you have done. Thank you so much for the sweet moments. I love you a lot and always.

Until now, those moments kept on playing again and again in my mind. Touched, happy.

& dear, thanks for being there with me on my day. I really appreciate it a lot. Though things wasn't right later the day, but remembering these moments make everything right back again. Thank you again. I love you a lot love.

The gifts

The latest picture

2008-12-07T08:51:00.013+08:00

It's like a routine eh for me to blog on a Sunday morning =\

1st week of December is coming to an end. How fast. Class on Monday was an unproductive one. Reason being, I wasn't able to concentrate as much due to the girl thang that I had. It's seriously irritating as my mood is just unpredictable. It always happen. Good thing I was able to take those emotions under control.

Like I've mentioned, Monday is so unproductive. I did nothing much. The team mates are nice to do their part and also do the compiling. I did my part too. At the end of the day, presentation went well =)

Practice on Tuesday was not fun at all. I had to crack my head to complete all the questions and hell it really crack my head. I read the guide book consisting of 120 pages at night and make another attempt on Wednesday. & so, it is all worth it! Done with evaluation =) More practices and I should be ready for the final test.

Production Talent on Thursday was not bad. Lesson held in the studio. Sha & I took the role of the Lighting Manager. Cool or what. At the end of the day, the teams had to produce a full-dress rehearsals of a production. WOOOOOOTTTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!!! Everything went well I would say =) Next up, the Production Day!!!

Boyfriend came over in the evening to pass me stuffs. It was sweet of him to buy me supper =) Spring roll & fishball from OCK and my all time favourite chocolate milk tea from Rockery!!! Had a short chat before he head home.

* It's been days that we had a nice chat. We only had a proper chat on Thursday night. *

Hospitality on Friday was not bad. 9 people turn up. Yes, out of 20+, only 9 turn up. Class ended kinda early. Boyfriend fetched me and we headed to CWP. I've been wanting to eat Zinger since last week. So, we had KFC for bruncher. I got my Zinger while boyfriend had the 2-piece chicken meal. We also tried the Cream shrimp =\

I don't know how, but ice-cream came into boyfriend's mind. We were having our meals when he told me, "Makan Ice-Cream pun macam sedap." It's so rare to hear him say this kinda thing. He asked me where should we eat ice-cream. Where else, Gelare or Swensens. I also told him that we could have Cornetto =) After our meal, we walked up and upon reaching Swensen's entrance, boyfriend ask me if I want to have ice-cream. So, there we were in Swensens for dessert. I had the Gold Rush while boyfriend had this ice-cream which have happy birthday as part of the name. Heh.

After the dessert, we head home. Before I forget, I want to share something. Upon reaching CWP's car park, boyfriend had his smoke first. Then he had to rush to the toilet because his stomach was feeling unwell. He headed first &&& there's 3 minahs whistled out. It was kinda obvious that it was meant to be calling out for boyfriend as there were only chinese people around. Takkan dorang nak whistle pat Ahbeng nie kan, sungguh tak masuk akal. Then, I had to pace up as boyfriend called me over. Haha. Funny or what. Predictably, the 3 S-holes actually looked at me when I was walking over. Sungguh bodoh. Just because boyfriend is walking alone, they had to do that. Perempuan sekarang, tak tau malu takpe. Beh, maruah perempuan pun tak tau jage pe. Sungguh mintak kene penampar. &&& irritatingly, they looked at me again when I was waiting for boyfriend outside the arcade. Ish. Then boyfriend was telling me, "Tu sebab I panggil you, takut kene rogol." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Part tu STOP IT eh!!! Funny la.

Weekend, as usual. Stayed at home. Nothing much.

&&& another thing to look forward too!!! BALIK KAMPUNG!!! WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!Been ages la!!! Excited excited!!! Shall take pictures and all. Best pe! So, I'll be going JB tomorrow morning with my family and also my aunt's family. Should be back by afternoon =)

* To boyfriend: I still miss you la. We only spent about 6 hours together this week. How can I not miss you. We should spend more time before I start my working life. Ok love? *

Heart-shaped Fish 1

Heart-shaped Fish 2

That cap

Mentel eh please.

I always tell him,

"Buat muke nie pat I je k."

& I love him...

2008-11-30T08:42:00.003+08:00

Goodbye November =( Till next year that is. How time flies.

On Monday, I was over at Esplanade. No, not to enjoy the breeze like what I like to do whenever I'm there. I only do that at night. But, this time I need to be there for my Arts Management class. & the class were there as early as 10am. What can we possibly do at 10am at Esplanade? It's not as if it's 10pm =)

It was a combination of Wee Leong's and Zul Adnan's classes that day. We had a tour in the Esplanade which was conducted by Mr. Raven a staff of Esplanade. He brought us to the Concert Hall, Theatre Hall, Roof top and the concourse open space. & the best thing was he brought us to the VIP box area in the Theatre Hall!!! Aku tahu aku jakun, beh nak buat ape kan? =\ The halls were damn big la. There were also interesting facts that Mr Raven told us about Esplanade. &&& their doors, they also have a special stopper!!! Cool or what. It's like circular and all you have to do is to turn that thingy and it will appear. It's not like you have to find for the stopper or what. It's interesting!!! K, another jakun act.

Anyway, the tour ended with a Q&A session at the concourse area. After which, we were all allowed to have our lunch =) Sha & I went to Marina Square foodcourt. We didn't worry so much about meeting 3 because we decided to do on our own and not joining other teams. Sound so anti-social. Haha. But we're not. We have our own reasons. Furthermore, we already had some ideas on how we could structure our presentation.

Meeting 2 was held at the library. After lunch, Sha & I made our way there &&& we met with the CCC feat. Naz la!!! Korang eh, better stop it sak. Haha. So yeah. Short commotion happened and then back to Meeting 2. Discussion was alright. Then we had to proceed to B2 because we were making noises at the library. So meeting 3 there =\ Overall performance was alright. But I guess, I spoke a bit too much. Sorry Sha!!!

Later the day, I had a test. So proceeded back to school. Then, attended Zul's tutorial class which ended at about 7. Monday was quite a long yet a fast day.

Had another test on Tuesday. I headed for school at about 2 plus I guess to meet sha and have lunch. No, not that I never attend class that day, the thing was I had no class on that day!!! How irritating. But the day was ok. Headed home after the test. Boyfriend came over to meet me at my place later the day at about 6pm. Just a short meet up. We sat and chatted for about an hour plus and then he head back home.

I won't lie, and I'll say that I'm dead bored on Wednesday. Reason being, boyfriend had to repair his bike at JB. No, not that he abandoned me. It's just that we agreed that Malaysia isn't a safe place to be at with no proper guidance. We heard a lot of stories and that we ourselves got scared and decided that he would go to JB alone and I'll wait for him here. So, with that, I was at home and I cooked!!! At least I did something to entertain myself =) Oh wells.

To make up for it, we went out on Thursday =) Yes, this time I didn't attend class. Wanting to go out with boyfriend was one of the reasons. Another reason was I had to attend a career briefing over at Redhill at 11am. Boyfriend sent me there and waited till 1pm. Thanks boyfriend. The 2 hours of waiting which consisted of a briefing and an interview screening was all worthwhile. &&& the result was DIRECT REFERRAL la!!! Thanks to boyfriend. He gave me all the support since days before. He even advised me on certain things that I could and shouldn't say. Thanks a lot boyfriend =) Much appreciated with love, hugs and kisses.

After the briefing, we decided to head to town. Thought of going to Cine for the Guitar Heros but we couldn't find any parking lots. Then, we proceeded to PS to window shop. Nothing much I would say. We went Bugis for lunch, because I wanted to eat rice and Bugis is the nearest place where we can find rice =\ Tong Seng for the Chicken Rice. Then, we headed to Mustafa Centre. Bought some toiletries stuffs. Then, we headed to Upper Serangoon to survey things and then had a chill out. Then we decided to go back Sembawang for supper at MacD. Haha. Hungry hungry after a long day.

Friday was another schooling day. Head home after that as boyfriend was not feeling well and I asked him to rest at home. Lesson learnt, no late night outs.

I received a message on Saturday morning from boyfriend. By then I got all worried. To cool myself down, I decided to cook for boyfriend. I sent him lunch with some medicine. It is just a way to make others feel better and happy. & then me too will feel happy. It feels nice when you cook for people especially the people you love =) &&& Guitar Heros Online is so ADDICTIVE!!!

I'm ending my week and the month with PERIOD!!! Actually I was waiting for this day since Friday. Haha. So yeah. Will do nothing much today, just relax and chill because the cramps hurt.

Hopefully, the upcoming week will be as good as always.

- To boyfriend, hope that you will recover soon. Love you, miss you a lot. Muah -

2008-11-26T15:01:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through the net and I found this. I would reflect on it some other day. I’ll share only the story today.

*An extract (only part of the story) based on a true life story*

I sedar semuanya sudah berakhir semalam dan I betul-betul hormat dengan keputusan yang you buat. Tapi, kenapa I? Kenapa? Kenapa you buat ini kepada I? Apa salah I? I betul-betul tak tahu apa salah yang I buat sampai you buat keputusan seperti ini.

You bilang, you nak take a time off sekejap. I sanggup tunggu you. Tunggu untuk you kembali dan bersama I seperti dahulu. Sejak dari hari itu, I baca kembali setiap SMS yang you hantar kepada I. I terkenangkan kembali setiap kata-kata dan janji-janji yang telah you lafazkan. Baru sebulan you mula bekerja dan keadaan mula jadi porak-peranda. Kenapa? Ini semua kerana dia. Kenapa? Kenapa ada dia? Kenapa dia muncul di antara kita berdua? Sehinggakan I di biarkan begitu sahaja. Dan kini I bersalut dengan rasa kesal, marah, benci dan macam-macam lagi perasaan.

Adakah ini balasannya? Inikah yang I dapat setelah I curahkan kasih sayang yang penuh pada you? Inikah yang patut I terima setelah bersabar dan setelah I memberikan dan memenuhi segala kehendak you?

Mana janji-janji yang telah you lafazkan suatu tika dahulu? Janji-janji yang telah kita janjikan. You berjanji yang kita akan bersama selamanya dan seandainya you dan I tidak dapat bersama, you akan berasa kesal dan you yang akan rasa kehilangan. You juga berjanji akan mempertahankan hubungan ini. You kata, tiada perempuan lain yang dapat bertahan dengan sikap you. I sanggup bertahan kerana I sayang dan I cinta kan you. Sekarang, ternyata semua itu tidak betul dan ia sekadar kata-kata kosong dan janji-janji manis dan palsu sahaja.

I bodoh. Sehinggakan kini I tidak tahu bagaimana harus I terus kan hidup ini. Bagaimana hendak I tempuhi semua ini?

Selama ini kita tempuhi segalanya bersama. Semasa you sakit, I ada di samping you. Bila I pula yang sakit, you ada di samping I. Kita tempuhi segala susah senang bersama. Mungkin I tak kenal diri you, tapi I kenal isi hati you. Sikap you yang ego dan degil susah hendak di ketepikan.

Kini I redha. I redha dengan apa yang telah berlaku. Cuma satu harapan I, I harap you dapat mengubah sikap you. Dengan sikap you itu, dengan apa jua masalah yang melanda, ia tidak akan selesai. I tahu kerana I tempuhi semua ini bersama you selama bertahun tahun lamanya. Sayang, kini hanya tinggal kenangan.

Sememangnya ada hikmah disebalik perpisahan ini. Apa jua hikmahnya, I redha.

2008-11-23T09:43:00.008+08:00

The week start with Zul Adnan in class. I would say his lesson is not bad. But I should apologise for the uninteresting presentation that my team did. Possible reasons for that to happen:

- The whole team was unproductive on that day
- We had little idea on what we want to include
- Somehow we had no mood to do anything
- The fact that we cannot use the laptop at all demotivates us
- Doing on interview is just nothing new to us and that we got sick and tired of doing it AGAIN =\

Oh well. Putting that aside. The participation and noise made really paid of =) I still have yet to improve my grades for Hospitality lessons la!!! &&& UT grades been disastrous =( I really hope my daily grades will help pull my overall grades eh.

Tuesday was indeed a short day for boyfriend and me. Reason being, I had to returned to school for my PTM UT test. Irritataing eh. First things first, it was boyfriend's rest day. To add on to the irritatingness, I DON'Y HAVE LESSON ON TUESDAY!!! Best teramat sangat. But, later the day it was filled with lots and lots of laughter. I laughed until I don't want to laugh anymore la. & thanks to boyfriend, been so long since I had that long kinda laugh. "Banyak-banyak men, men ape ade banyak rase?" Haha.

Had some kinda stress this week. Well, only boyfriend and sha would know why. Oh wells, I just thought that certain things could have been done way better than it had. Shan't elaborate. Will be back on track as of next week that is =)

* I forgot to say that I've finally collected my W960i from SE Service Centre on Tuesday =) I'm somehow happy with it. I better take care of it la. If not, the next time it have to go to the service centre again, I have to buy a new phone for boyfriend la!!! Ish. *

Yesterday we planned to go to expo and then to Upper Serangoon to check something out, and then I thought of asking him to bring me to Mustafa Centre before heading home. So, yes we did went to expo to look around. But, we were disappointed because there were nothing. We had some quick munch and then decided to head down to Downtown East.

No, we didn't reached Downtown East at first. Haha. He rode the wrong way and we ended up having our lunch at Bedok Corner (Bedok Food Centre). After which, then we had the right way and reached Downtown East. "Kite meronda-ronda," boyfriend said. Haha. Then when we thought of proceeding to Upper Serangoon, rain poured heavily la!!! We were there till 5 plus. We can't eat because we already had our lunch earlier. All we did was walk and walk and walk =\ Interestingly, we watched bowlers bowl =) From the pro to the funny ones.

At the end of the day, we had to postpone our trip to Upper Serangoon. We head back home and had our rest. &&& nice conversation before he head home. It feels nice whenever we talked about our story. It always happened when we stand at the corridor enjoying the breeze =)

* I didn't know it was already 3 till yesterday. October oh October. Haha. Oh well, certain things are beyond words! *

2008-11-21T18:59:00.006+08:00

This thingy was due since forever. I was tagged by MISS ATIKAH on 30th October 2008. Since I am kinda free I'll complete this. Here it goes,

The rules and regulations:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.

2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.

3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.

4. No tags back !

10 Weird things/habits/little known facts about Juwairiyah Binte Samsudin!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The name Ryna was somehow initially created by me & sis in the year 2005 (if i remember correctly) for reason(s). That is how I got Ju-Ryna as one of my known names.

2. The name Jupeah was given by my secondary school friends during our upper sec level.

3. I don't like to delete my inbox. Be it hp or emails.

4. I am easily stress. Even on small / little things and matters.

5. I will touch anything comfy when I'm sleeping without realising it. (revealed at Cambodia eh Janis)

6. I talked to Baby and Bobo before going to sleep every night. At least a sentence with them. (Baby and Bobo is my pooh bears)

7. I can talk to myself randomly.

8. Its weird that I still try to hide my feelings (at times) when I know that I can't.

9. Its also weird to have people saying that I look like a minah when I am so nice like that =) They even say my face always look as if I'm irritated with something.

10. I will text my boyfriend at least once in a day even though he might not reply.

next 10 souls to complete this!
- claudya, fifa, raidah, suhaila, aisha, naz, yanah, ash, zeraynne, KAKAK -

** I list the 10 for the sake of listing. So yeah =)

I'll update at the end of the week if I'm free. Thats it for now.

2008-11-16T15:58:00.002+08:00

A fulfilling week I must say.

But I was disappointed with the 'C' grade that I received from WL. I mean, I don't mind getting a C if I don't do well in class, but the fact that I got the 'C' grade because of class voting is something which I thought was rather ridiculous. I mean, our daily grade should be determined by facilitators but not classmates. I don't know, but I think when it comes to grading, certain things need to be considered and that gradings should not depend 100% on class votings, but it also needs the contribution to be considered too. Hmm, I shan't blabber about this too much, because it really makes me sad la!!!

Other than that, I guess I'm doing good =) Classes not bad. The fact that I somehow like the way Joyce Teo facilitating. Pang Su Li seems to be not bad too and that I like her straight forwardness. Chronos Kwok, he's the same old him. He's good. I really hope that this week's grades will be good. I will be disappointed again if I get any 'C's. But I'm confident that I won't =) Because I did great in Arts Management =) Ok best.

Been spending quality time with boyfriend. Initially I thought of telling him to rest at home one of the four days when he wasn't working, but we just had to meet. That's because 3 of the days, I have to go to school for lessons and also the Cambodia presentation which falls on Tuesday (my non-school day). We still have yet to buy what we need to buy. We shall get it by Tuesday or Wednesday. & it is a must la. Madagascar yesterday was alright.

I wanted to blog about something, but I cannot remember what is it. So I guess, that's it for now. I'll blog again if I remember what I wanted to. So yeah.

* You, you know it feels so good to feel the way it should be and how we always wanted it to be. & I don't need any reasons to love you because my love to you is unconditioned. I hope yours too *

2008-11-08T09:08:00.003+08:00

Another weekend it is. Nothing much to do I guess. I still have yet to do my last part for my report la =\ I shall not drag it will next week that is.

Finally, Dell Support Centre replied to my email and they guided me through the steps that I need to take. Basically its about the BIOS or what so ever is that. For now, my laptop is doing good and it is being nice to me like finally after how many days of shutting down and giving me those unwanted colored pixels on my screen =\ & so, my laptop is not useless afterall eh. Updates jek. Heh.

I just realized that my Semester will end on 23rd January 2009. I was shocked because all this while I thought it will end in February. So yeah. I've to start looking for jobs now so that I won't spend time looking for job only after graduation. Hopefully I will be able to get a job by early next year?

I was telling boyfriend that this week seems to be our shortest week together la. What I meant was we meet only for awhile. Tell me about it. We met after my school on Monday for about 4 hours. Tuesday he dropped by my place and we see each other for about 2 hours. We met yesterday after my school again for about 5 hours. So out of 5 days / 120 hours (as of now), we only met for 11 hours. Though we met, but the fact that we spent little time together makes me miss him more than usual =(

This was the change faced when boyfriend started working. I guess there will be another change after I graduate eh? Though I'm not looking forward to it, but I shall prepare myself for the changes and we gona do just fine =)

I'm somehow looking forward to next week because the boyfriend will not be working for 4 days. I don't think I'll be meeting him for all the 4 days because I want him to rest too. We'll see how though. We still have yet to send my phone to Sony again la. I so gona ask them to service my whole phone la!!! The speaker, keypad and my earpiece. Heh. Shall see how.

Plan for the next 3 weeks holiday will be up ASAP. I can't afford to waste time and that I have to make use of as many time as I have to do the things that I need to do eh. Once I graduate, I'll have little time for anything else =\

Boyfriend been listening to my rants for don't know how many days. Sorry to rant at you though it is not your fault. Thank you though for listening I appreciate it lots. Thank you eh boyfriend. Love you a lot. &&& I already miss you la!!!

2008-11-06T20:20:00.002+08:00

& now, both laptop and phone is giving me problems. Laptop, not only mine, but also others around the world. How I know, I read in the net, duh. It either goes blank or this colored thingy appear for no reasons. Phone, I went to Sony Service Centre for like twice, and now, my number 1 & 3 is giving me problems. SHIATS. I'm totally unhappy uh. Dah uh. BYE.

2008-11-01T13:03:00.015+08:00

Hopefully this weekend will be a short one. This is because I am so looking forward to go to school that is. I am more than happy to go to school now because it is the last lap of my poly studies. How come? I've finally completed my CE points!!! Happy or what. & so, GRADUATION DAY is the day that I so looked forward to. SOON soon soon =)

But, there's another UT on the first day when school reopens and I have to be in school early to borrow laptop. For the first time in my RP life, students are not allowed to refer to notes during UT. Tell me about it. This means that I have to open up my notes and study la!!!

&&& also for Production Talent Management Module.

I think this is how STA works eh. Ish. Lucky I checked my email today. If not, I won't study until the very last minute uh =\

I'm feeling very hungry, but I don't feel like eating. A hungry man is an angry man. That applies to me now. I feel so angry because I am hungry and yet I don't feel like eating. & I swear I'm cursing my stomach right now =\

Anyway,

I miss having a picture perfect like this. I swear I miss taking pictures with boyfriend =(

I am missing him right now even though I just met him yesterday. I want to meet him again that is. Hopefully soon.

* Boyfriend help to fulfil my last few cravings. I got my Tom Yam Fried Rice!!! &&& my chocolate milk tea =) Tell me, how can I not love him like this. *

2008-10-28T15:19:00.002+08:00

Finally, I've done up my FYP blog. & when I said I'm done, it is together with the details eh =) Tell me about it. I was sitting in front of my lappy since 10am I think, and now I'm done. I can be efficient if I want to eh. As a retreat, I would like to update this blog of mine. Even though I've blogged like 3 days ago, but I just feel like blogging again.

Like I've said in my previous post, it's holiday. & now that I'm done with my FYP blog, I guess I've nothing much to do. It means I'll have more time for myself.

Last week was another hectic week. But, now it's a brand new week. Since Monday, which was yesterday, it's been very relaxing for me. Seriously, I feel so relaxed with the flow of things that happened. From the call from boyfriend to watching TV then there's visitors at home, after which back to watching TV then played Nintendo DS and then on the phone again with boyfriend then watch TV again then on the lappy with boyfriend then watch TV and as usual, I end my day with the phonecall with boyfriend =) Tell me my day is not boring, because to me its not.

I can't feel much happier than this really.

Anyway, I really look forward to another meeting with boyfriend this week or should I say its our weekly date =) Even though its been long, we shall still regard our meet ups as dates eh. Sweet pe! Haha.

Now I feel ouh-so-hungry =( I'm sad because I'm hungry right now. & there's nothing at home. But on a brighter side, mum will be back soon to bring me food I guess. FOOD ON THE WAY!!!

2008-10-25T08:37:00.004+08:00

I don't know why thing have been very upsetting of this late. But for every upsetting thing that happened, we managed to pull through and make things in control. Reading the posts break my heart yet again. I felt as if I'm being tortured by myself. Feelings, it is something which we can't stop them from coming. But tell me, how can I overcome them?

My wants, my needs. I won't be able to achieve my wants because I'm going for my needs now. At times, I got myself stuck in between, at the state of not knowing which should I go for. My wants or my needs? Time and again, my needs conquered everything and it is one thing that I've been prioritizing for ages.

I was reading a bulletin in friendster done by some random person. & one of the questions asked was "Have you ever stolen someone else's boyfriend?" I got pretty upset. I know I shouldn't think too much. But there will always be results from such. Tell me about it. Reflecting...

It's been ages. But, if I were someone affected in that kind of situation, I'll feel unsatisfied and unhappy that is. Who won't. Someone got away with my love, how am I suppose to feel? Unanswered questions, why? Why? Why? But then again, certain things are meant to be left unanswered and what we have to do is to leave all of them behind.

Ish. I think I shan't put myself into other's position for now. So upsetting. Sh*t. Though things been low for us, I guess we manage to pull through and make each other understand our feelings. Yes it was the first time I felt that kind of feeling, but I really hope it would be the last. Pretty please. Now that it somehow away from me, I don't want to bring it anymore nearer.

Anyway, its weekend. & it is the start of my holiday. No plan for today, but will be heading to the East tomorrow with the lovely boyfriend. Unsure of the exact plan yet though.

I think I want to eat at Sakura. I think it is a craving. I think I want my Tom Yam Fried Rice with bull eye egg. I think I want my Thai Red Ruby. I also think that I want Hong Kong Hor Fun. Twin Fish Fried Rice is nice too. I'm hungry!!!

During the holidays, I think I'll be at home doing my FYP blog. I really want to finish it by this holiday. Also, my last part in the FYP report which is to do the case study of Angkor D' Artisan. After that I think I'm almost done. Yeh!!!

At least I do have plans. Oh wells, I'm still upset though. Haha.

2008-10-20T01:47:00.001+08:00

At times, people tend to say things that they don't mean it. I truly understand that. I do encounter such a thing before and that now, I always try not to say such things. When it does happen to me, I got disappointed. What more it had never been uttered out before and now when it does, I got all affected.

I never wanted any bad changes to happen, really. But, when it was mentioned again after umpteen times, I thought that maybe things are just not on my side. For the very first time, I felt like giving up. I felt my heart sank and at the same time it feels as if someone was slashing my heart with a knife. I thought that everything was tarnished yet again. & I can't feel any better.

I have to admit that it have always been me. & that I even make the slightest ever thing worst which make everything goes wrong. But I'm trying to change and all I ask for is support, cooperation and chance. Without them, my effort wouldn't be noticed. Without them, I bet things won't get any better. What else could I ask for. & from who else could I ask all this from.

After 5 days of not meeting, after 4 days of unproper conversation, I feel as if I'm lifeless. & I'm not being myself lately. With another weekend boredom, it just made things worst.

For another time I'm feeling useless. Sad. Full with unanswered questions.

Maybe all I need is time to cool myself down from these feelings.

* I'm sorry for not fulfilling my promises. I thought I've tried, but I think that just mean I have to try harder. I don't want unwanted things to happen. If it does I have no one to blame except myself and that I'm willing to face them. But, I know we can and we will always work together to go against it. In case if you still question my love for you, I'd like you to know that I love you more than anyone else and that I'll always love you with all my heart. You're my everything and that my day is incomplete without you. *

2008-10-17T20:52:00.003+08:00

I don't know why but I've been looking at many many many transexuals in friendster these few days. I don't even know what "motivates" me suddenly to look at those people. I just felt like seeing them and see how "they were doing" and how they look like. But at the end of today, I feel like puking and I felt disgusted. & yes, I regret looking at the ones I've looked at. Sh*t.

I do have friends who are "confused", "senget", "50-50" and what ever terms which are related to these terms. At least, the thing about them is that they still love them as themselves and that they know who they are. I don't despise them at all. However, I respect their decision for being one and that I do get to learn some things through them and that somehow they are still stepping on the ground of this Earth.

But, I think that transexuals are just way too much. Maybe, some of you people would say that, they too love themselves. BUT, if they go to the extent of removing what is already intact on their body since they were born, do you still consider that as loving oneself/themselves still? Think Think Think. Now I really think I'm despising transexuals. Sorry to those (who is one) who happen to read this.

They really may look like one pretty girl/woman, but there will always be a part on them that will show their true self. Even though it is a bit hard to spot, it will just be there for us to see.

Apart from that, the guys who happen to be with them or those who had ever been with them, I really PITY you guys. Sorry to say this. Really. It's not as if there isn't enough girls in this world. I do agree that these transexual MAY be more better looking than normal girls. But, whats the use???

I really shan't continue anymore.

2008-10-13T19:18:00.002+08:00

Finally, I fixed the PC for lil bro =) I called the service centre hotline when I got home just now. This professional assist me by giving the instructions but I don't know why I just couldn't understand his words at times. At the end of the assistance, the professional concluded that there is something wrong with the receiver as well as the keyboard. He suggested me to get a new keyboard. Apparently, I was feeling kinda unhappy still after hanging up the phone with that professional. So, I decided to "godeh-godeh" with the things. &&& YES, I fixed it la!!! Tell me about it. Save $$$$$ =) So much of talking to that professional for about 15 minutes when I fixed it myself for less than a minute =\

As of today, I have a total of 15 meetings to update on my FYP blog =\ Anyway, credits to Ash for designing the blog and come up with the template. Thanks to Jasmine for drafting out the logging information. I'm so in love with my FYP blog that is =) Angkor Wat!!! &&& I miss Cambodia & I miss Cambodia-ing with the CCC!!! Tell me about it la uh. We went through everything together just like we were in one big family la!!! Great-ness. Anyway, back to FYP, I think I'll be able to complete the logging quite fast. If I want to be a good girl, I should be able to get it done in a day. Plus editing, it will take me about 3 to 4 days. If I want to be a lazy girl, I think it will take me a week or two =\ Hopefully I can do it ASAP so that I won't need to worry later.

6 weeks of school will be over soon. After my 7th week of school, there'll be a week of holiday. Tell me it's pathetic =\ But, better than nothing. I don't know what I would want to do. But, I guess I'll do some things. Like FYP blogging, exercise, eat, sleep, magazine, research, out with boyfriend. What else can I do??? Ish.

* Friends, I'd like to ask you all to join me for clubbing next wednesday!!!NOT!!! * Haha. Ok I know that's lame and EVERYONE knows, or at least almost everyone will know that will NEVER happen. I know I'm easily TEMPTED to go again, but dear friend(s), be nice and help me to throw the temptation =) Thank you verae nas.

Boyfriend so gonna kill me la kan...

At times, I think that I'm being too soft and I tolerate with almost everything as I don't like to get myself to be mad. Maybe that explains to the facial expression that I always have.(CCC describe it as 'muka bingit') Don't want to let it out in words, let it out on the face uh. Ok tu lame. But I don't know why I really can stand a lot of things. Eventhough I hate getting f*cked upside down with vulgarities, but I still accept them. Eventhough I know I will break down when I get scolded, I still try to stand still and keep my mouth shut. I know I really don't like these to happen, but I can't seem to bring myself to stand for myself. But, thinking again, if I don't stand for myself, who will? The thing is once I start, I won't stop and as far as possible, I don't want it to happen. I won't want to say the wrong things which will make things worst or make things turn otherwise and that I just won't mean what I say. Ish. Let's bring a stronger me back soon.

I really think that I need a holiday. But I guess it won't be anytime soon =(
BOYFRIEND!!! Holiday!!! WHEN WHEN WHEN???

I have time to blog here, but I feel ouh-so-lazy to update that FYP blog =\ But I will do it soon.

I miss boyfriend already, even though I met him yesterday. &&& am looking forward to meet him tomorrow =) Shall attend practices and try luck on evaluation before meeting him tomorrow. Tomorrow's up for TOWN!!! Not really town la uh. Haha. I thought of going to Paya Lebar to survey some things eh. Or should I go to Bukit Timah?Not sure. But I'll see how. I'll ask boyfriend later for his opinion. At least I have some agenda in mind for tomorrow =)

That's it for now I guess. Till I have more things to share =)

2008-10-11T02:07:00.003+08:00

I just couldn't bring myself to sleep at this time. Afterall, I know I don't need them and that I can afford not to have them.

I'm feeling down. Very down. I can feel that heart. & at the same time the mind is speaking. Maybe it's just being too dependent on the loves' support that makes me became very weak, weaker than I am before. I can't pull myself through simple things or situations that makes me feel even worst.

I don't wish to be alone. I don't want to have the feeling of being alone. But, thinking that I've been causing difficulties to others, maybe being alone is what I deserve. I'm on myself reflecting yet again, why I turned into such a weak person. Toning down. At least trying to.

I can't seem to calm myself down. Tearing again and again. Not because of the thoughts. But to the fact that I failed to be a good person, good daughter and good girlfriend. Maybe you would say I shouldn't think so much. & that I think too hard. This aren't my thoughts, it's something that I feel, now.

When I want to make things right, or at least trying to, I was stopped. I admit I'm very slow, everyone knows that. But, efforts of trying seemed invisible and causes things to turn otherwise.

When...Trust not there. Patience running out. At the stage of giving up.
I feel useless yet again.

It is not about the situation anymore. But, it is about the person themselves. I love myself. But I love the love more. When situation seems so cold, I keep on thinking about you and I come to realize that I miss some things.

2008-10-04T17:45:00.003+08:00

I've been wanting to blog about other things since whenever. But due to some unwanted things that just had to happen the whole of last week, I delayed all the stories I intend to share. &&& now, I'm not going to share a lot of things, because I think I forgot some of the things that I intended to share. So typical me to forget things =\

Raya this year is normal I guess. Both paternal and maternal grandparents are not here anymore. So yeah. Nothing much that is. 7 house on the 1st day. & collection is not like before. The atmosphere is not there also. Maybe due to the big family I used to have is now left with 4.

There're 2 groups of friends asking me out for raya. & yes, I can't confirm as yet. Due to my schedule and everything. =\

Jealousy comes whenever it wants. Even if it seems to be at the wrong time. But at the end of the day, we have to trust the other party and also ourselves that everything is alright and that the feeling is just another feeling that bypass us. So yeah.

- You know me well don't you. If I say I won't do it, means I just won't and never. I know it is hard to avoid this feeling, but we can control it. &&& please don't say that I always stand for my friends. You know no matter what you're still the most loved and most important person in my life. Ok love. -

My former Manager called me. Yes, from Sakura Cuisine that is. Unexpectedly, he asked me if I'm keen to join the company again. I can't give an answer as I have to consult both my parents and also the love first. I'll see how. Oh wells.

ATTENTION TO ALL:
ANYONE WHO IS LOOKING FOR A JOB, SAKURA CUISINE IS OPENING THEIR DOOR. (FULL TIME OR PART TIME)DO DROP BY FAR EAST OR BUANGKOK OUTLET TO APPLY. POSITION WOULD BE WAITER & WAITRESS. EXPERIENCE IN F&B WOULD BE A PLUS POINT. NEEDED MOST IN WEEKENDS FOR PART TIMERS.

Oh wells. That's it for now I guess. Will blog again if I remember what I want to =)

2008-09-29T23:48:00.007+08:00

/start comment/

BOOO!!! i saw u juz now... lol been 2 long years since the last time i saw u...i dont noe whether u had saw me too coz i was busy talking wif my frens...n yah dats ure gerl? owh my god... she look SERIOUSLY older den her age!!! my god... i thought u had choose somebody better looking den me... but im wrong i guess lol...even my frens call her a MAKCIK... can u imagine dat...well too bad we didnt get to stop to say hie...well may be... next time....take care...

/end comment/

I really think that she is trying to mess with my life. Try harder LIL' GIRL =) Here, I would like to be a little mean. Let's analyze this comment sent by MS ROSNAH to the love.

"i saw u juz now... lol been 2 long years since the last time i saw u..." - Here, she is trying to say that it's been long since they met and so, she actually misses him. Correct me if I'm wrong. & by seeing him, she feels oh so happy.

"i dont noe whether u had saw me too coz i was busy talking wif my frens..." - She is expecting him to see her when he don't even bother if he sees her.

"n yah dats ure gerl?" - She's saying this as if I have a problem with her or what so ever.

"owh my god... she look SERIOUSLY older den her age!!!" - She is saying that she looks younger. & I SERIOUSLY agree to this because her attitude says it all =)

"my god... i thought u had choose somebody better looking den me... but im wrong i guess lol..." - She is saying that she is far way better looking then me. But then again, why won't guys around her stop to look at her?

"even my frens call her a MAKCIK... can u imagine dat..." - Do I really look old. Well it shows the maturity =) &&&, I think her friends say that because they just wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. =) BEST OF FRIENDS MAH. MUST TAKE CARE OF FEELINGS WHAT. FEELING FEELING SISTAZ UH.

"well too bad we didnt get to stop to say hie..." - she really hope that they will meet with each other and have a nice chat.

"well may be... next time...." - She really won't give up. I think, you can wait long long eh.

"take care..." - Definitely my love will take care of himself and that with me by his side, I WILL DEFINITELY take care of him too =)

I really like this kind of people. Trying their best to bring others down. Try again LIL' GIRL. Maybe you will succeed the next time round? Who knows =) You can always try.

2008-09-25T01:47:00.003+08:00

When you began to have that lot of trust, doubts just have to come into the way. WHY???

But, when we know our feelings are true, other matters don't matter no more. When ever doubts get into the way, get back to the bottom line, "IF IT HAPPENED ONCE (OR A FEW TIMES), THEN IT MIGHT HAPPEN AGAIN. BUT IF IT NEVER HAPPEN BEFORE, IT WILL DEFINITELY WON'T HAPPEN. NOT EVEN ONCE." Trust me.

At times, the mind is just playing with your feelings. Don't let your mind control your feelings. You have to control both your mind and your feelings. Hmm...

* To you, the beloved, all I want to say and that YOU HAVE TO KNOW is that, I'll always love you and I'll always miss you. No one can ever change that. No matter what others wants to say, I will stay with my stand.

2008-09-23T19:07:00.003+08:00

IT IS WEIRD TO HAVE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO NEVER TRY TO INVESTIGATE WHEN A SITUATION HAPPENS. THEY TEND TO DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING AND YET THEY CLAIMED THAT THE OTHER PARTY IS AT THE WRONG. (I admit, I do behave in such a manner before, but at least I do try to talk things out to get the correct information.) MAYBE I AM PARTIALLY WRONG, BUT DEFINITELY I'M NOT ENTIRELY IN THE WRONG.

I CAN'T TOLERATE WITH PEOPLE WHO MESS WITH MY LIFE AND YET THEY SAY THAT I MESSED IN THEIR LIFE. F*CK YOUR LIFE F*CKER. TELL ME, SINCE WHEN I MESS WITH YOUR LIFE WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, I NEVER FIND ANY BLOODY FAULT WITH YOU, I DON'T EVEN CONTACT YOU AND TO MAKE IT SHORT, THERE'S NO FORM OF CONNECTION OR COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US. NOW, TELL ME, HOW DO I MESS WITH YOUR BLOODY LIFE IN THIS CASE.

IT'S BEEN YEARS, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO HAVE BEEN POKING THEIR NOSE HERE AND THERE AT FIRST? TELL ME ABOUT IT. I'VE BEEN TOLERATING WITH ALL THIS FOR THE FIRST, SECOND AND NOW THE THIRD TIME. TELL ME TILL WHEN SHOULD I STAY BEING A BLOODY GOOD GIRL LIKE THIS? IF NOT FOR THAT ONE PERSON WHOM I LOVE MOST, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED MY BLOODY HEAD AND DO WHAT I WANT TO.

AT TIMES, IT IS NICE TO BE IMMATURED. WELL, WHAT'S THE USE OF BEING MATURED IF YOU DON'T USE YOUR BLOODY BRAIN PROPERLY WHEN SHIT HAPPENS. DO YOU CONSIDER, MAKING A STUPID FUSS ON AN UNKNOWN OR UNSURE MATTER, AN ACT OF MATURITY. OH I FORGOT, BEING MATURED MEANS YOU CAN OVERPOWER THE REST OF THE PEOPLE ON EARTH. EH LU, KOREK JUBO BAU LA. (a phrase used by some nice people living in the north to the north-west)

I'M ANNOYED & IRRITATED!!!

But then again, when this happens, I got very sad. I thought to myself, have I not been a good girl? What have I done that this have to happen to me? Why must I face this? & at the right time, dad gave me the answers. All this happen because I chose this path. & so, I have to face whatever the outcomes may be. As such, regrets shouldn't be entertained. I understood, and I AM CONTINUING WITH LIFE.

* Mum & Dad asked, why do I start this relationship when I screwed the rest? & I said, I'm tired of screwing relationships and it's time to get myself down to Earth. I realize I have responsibilities in this family and that I am learning to change myself. I can't afford to screw everything everytime. What more, I can't afford to screw this relationship which we've built since 2005. They understood.

I've screwed enough and I don't want to get screwed. Even if I get screwed, I would say Thank You. But, I'm pretty sure that the both of us wouldn't want to let this happen to us. We had enough and that it's time to pace ourselves down.

* Trust/Believe, Faith & Patience. That's the Key.

2008-09-22T17:09:00.003+08:00

We haven't had our proper phone conversation since whenever. Only God knows since when. Recently, been going out only on the rest and off days. As said, I shouldn't and wouldn't make myself think to the negative side. Somehow, those dreams I had was really bad. Ish.

Things changed and that I know somehow I have to make myself used to all these changes. But at the same time, other things, unwanted things, might happen without us knowing. We can't predict tomorrow and the future. & because of all the changes, we tend to feel neglected in some way. But then again, it's all about adapting to the changes.

Oh well. I'm fully aware that I have all these feelings because of love and also because I'm afraid to lose.

2008-09-17T09:27:00.002+08:00

I wish I have many things to say. Not this time...

School, I've got nothing to say. I'd really rather have 4 days than 3 days because my laziness is killing me like shit. When I'm home for 3 days, that 4th day, I just feel like skipping la. But good thing, I'm still motivated to go to school.

Fasting month been alright. Plus minus la uh. Understand understood.

That boyfriend been busy. Have been meeting a bit lesser than usual, and been talking less on phone too. Ish. Don't want to talk about it. Kinda stress eh.

4 interesting thing happen in my life this week. 2 Good 2 Bad. Lets start with the bad ones...

I was accused by someone for something which I never do. To make things even better, she use some not nice words. (Did I just say she. OMG. Sorry) & being me, yes I was superly annoyed (as it was not the 1st or 2nd time). & being typical me, I tend to want to do some not nice things. BUT, with the love's favour, I have to take things back. SHIT!!! Lucky you. Like I've ever said before, some people just wouldn't know what I'm capable of doing.

Suddenly I feel that I'm nice. Why? Because I've decided to keep things down and low =) I'll see if there'll be more coming...

Then, because I decided to tell boyfriend about this a bit later than I should, boyfriend got mad with me. Ish. I wouldn't want to elaborate. But, I still can't believe that we argued about this. & this argument lasted for an hour plus. Things got fine with 2 promises/agreement made. So, things are good now =)

Now, about the nice things. SHARIFA RADINA came down to school to give a surprise to her darling. I know you know who. Then, she claimed that she wanted to pass me something before that. She make it sound so urgent. & when I go and see her, she gave me SPRING ROLL from OCK. SURPRISE!!! Yes, it is a surprise for me. Didn't expect it to be for me, and don't expect it to be food!!! Thank you SHA!!! &&& I like the trick phone conversation to Sarah. Haha. Sha still wants to make a script for that phone convo. Funny...Haha.

Then, later in the evening, boyfriend called and say he was at home when he is suppose to meet me. YES, I was disappointed when he said that. But, actually he was already at my place. THANK YOU, YOU!!! Sesungguhnya, aku sayang sangat dengan itu pacarku yang sangat cute. (At least to me la uh) Haha. Ish. So not nice to make me feel cheated la kan. But, day was not bad. Played arcade, dinner, chilled at home and home sweet home. &&& I think that he fell asleep and resulted in not calling me. ISH ISH ISH. - Tapi, meeting him later =)

* Eh, last night, I woke up at 0330 hrs because I have stomach ache. &&& I went to the toilet 3 times la. Must be the food I ate la kan. Ish ish. Sungguh tak perlu...

BANGKOK IS CALLING!!! Hahaha. I want to watch that movie today. I don't care...

I have a few more things to talk about la. But, I think I shall do it next time =)

2008-09-06T10:01:00.002+08:00

Time past really fast. It's already Saturday. 6th day of Ramadhan. & as usual I'm at home having nothing to do. I'm not sure why but I'm having a stomach ache when my period is like ending soon. Ish. Itu sungguh tak perlu.

My official school days will be on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Yes, 3 days only. Tell me about it. I've attended the first 2 lessons. &&& it is quite down. Well, Maybe it's the first week. That's why everyone is still warming up to settle themselves down with the new class. It do takes time to settle down.

I bumped into Fifa some day ago. & we had a short convo. I guess there's much things that we have yet to share. I still have yet to make time for all the friends. Ish.

I already miss my Cambodian Calling Crew. Like a lot. spending 12 days together makes us feel like a family. & I guess we are a family =) Aisha still owe me pictures. Still have yet to get some from Hani, Ash and Yannah!!!

Things at home's normal. But, mum have been cooking since this Ramadhan season =) How happy can I be. Of course I'm the happiest person ever in this house. I miss her cooking a lot. Ever since bro left, she rarely cooks at home. Don't ask me why. I don't want to ask her. Now, I'm very happy because I get to eat all her cookings again!!! She cooked rendang yesterday =) &&& I look forward to her cooking later on the eve of RAYA =) Woohoo...

Mum, dad and lil bro is going to get their new clothings for this coming Raya. But not for me. Mum was quite unhappy when I told her I don't want to buy any new pair this year =\ Dad was alright with my decision. He's not the kind who will force people, especially me, to do things which we don't want.
The reason why I don't want any more baju raya is because I have more than 10 pairs of them and 3 of them, mum bought for me only last year. &&& all 3 I haven't wear them at all. Tell me!!! Just when am I going to wear all those? I don't think I'm going to wear all of them this year. Ish. That's the reason. I should be donating some of them to people. But I ain't sure who as yet. I'll see...

Nothing much happened since the day I'm back from my Cambodia trip last week. Boyfriend brought me to the visit my late bro last Sunday. He told me that when I was in Cambodia.
Yes, I was shock. Why? Because I've never planned to visit late bro anytime soon. Why? Because I wasn't ready at all. Why? Because I know I will break down again. Why? Because I still have yet to make myself get over the matter.
But, because I miss late bro a lot, I've decided to make myself strong and visit him. His place have been built, just like how mum described it to me. His home's now nice and that I hope that he is doing just fine there. All I could do is to say some prayers for him. Insya allah, he will do good there. *Al-Fatehah*

Boyfriend was nice to bring me to Payar Lebar last Sunday too. But, I disappoint him and make him mad. I didn't mean too though. I was too sensitive that day, that makes me behave in such a manner. I was following too much on my ego that I didn't want to talk to him. Only when things got out of control, then I realized, I need to say something.
We stayed to talk things out. We know, even when things got wrong, we still do love each other. & that, our feeling is still strong for each other. & that we would do so much to do our relationship good. & I guess, we did.

2nd Sept, it was our 2nd =) Yes, a day that I was looking forward to so much. It means everything to me. Initiate a date with boyfriend. Yes, I got him something =) Only I know and he knows. No one else know.
I really hope things will start to change to the better now. All I want now, is that I want to graduate as soon as possible. & that I can concentrate on my future life soon =)
I just love the short meet ups we have these days =) I know, all these will lessen once he is a confirmed staff of SMRT. I shall cherish all these times now. I will start to miss him more later in a month time. But, boyfriend has promised to meet me as much as he can =) sweet sungguh. He usually drops by after work without telling me. But I do love it. Loves.

I don't know why I feel happier now then before. I'm still searching for the reason. Hopefully this will continue. Because, it's something that I've been longing for so long =)

*To the boyfriend: I love you and only you*

2008-09-01T01:14:00.002+08:00

Life is just like the roller coaster. The mood changes without any warning. One can feel happy this minute and be an angry monster the other minute and be a sad puppy the next minute.

Yes, shits do happen. Which everyone hates. Who doesn't. But, at the end of everything, all I hope is that everything will be good and that I am able to set a good mind and be a good girl to everyone.

I want to be a good daugthter. I want to be a good friend. &&& I want to be a good girlfriend. I apologise for everything I've done and said. I might not mean it, really. Sincere apologies from me.

A note to the boyfriend:
I am looking forward to a day. Our day. I know, you will definitely forget. But, nevermind. I understand. All I need you to know is that, I love you for who you are and no one can change that. I love you with all my heart. Sincerely from my heart. Loves.

2008-08-30T14:21:00.001+08:00

Being away from home for 12 days have been good and also a torturous experience. Definitely I miss home. My family. My bed. My baby. My friends. &&& My boyfriend!!!

Short period yet many things happened. Event planning was disastrous. Execution was good. Turn out was not bad. I would say, I'm proud of the Cambodia Calling Crew to be able to make both events a success.

Working smart. We had our leisure times too. It was great to bond with the team. It is rare to have a team of 22 to be under one roof and that we see inside out of each and everyone. There are bads and goods. But, we all had our share of fun. Shopping, pubbing, tours and other leisure activities.

Thanks to the crew for making the trip an unforgettable one. One which will be remembered that is. With this trip, all of us get to know each other better and that we got even closer. Love you all.

-Pictures up once I receive them from the photographers-

Seriously, I don't really miss Singapore. Just that I miss the people. I don't miss home even =\ The reason is because I'm too used to it, that I don't even miss it. SShhheeessshhhh. I only miss mum, dad, lil bro, boyfriend, some friends and my baby. I don't miss any other thing. Weird.

My return was quite a peaceful one. Head home myself as everyone was busy working and also other businesses that they have. The feeling was quite sad but, I don't really mind going home myself. But, lil bro and mum welcomed me home when they reached home from school.

&&& BOYFRIEND came over after work. That was one that I was looking forward to!!! boyfriend. and no one else. had a hard time in cambodia without him. but, i guess things are good now.

spent time with him yesterday too. even though he was sick, he still pulled through to be with me for the whole day. thanks boyfriend. that's the reason why i love you a lot. get well soon ok love.

well. i guess, it's back to the fast pace back here in Singapore. and that i will need to readjust myself to the way it is here. hopefully things will be good. and it will be better.

grades out. grades good. gpa still there. hope to do better. i got the modules i chose. arts modules =) hopefully classmates good. classes on tuesday, thursday, friday. and not forgetting fyp2. wells. back to school on thursday...

* you you you. you're one important person in my life. keep that in mind *

2008-08-15T20:02:00.003+08:00

I might not be able to blog tomorrow as I'll be a bit busy. Will be out for a wedding function in the morning till afternoon. Will be back to recheck my bag when I'm home. In the evening will be meeting the boyfriend.

So I've decided to blog today... It is rare for me to be away. & it feels different I must say. It is exciting to be away especially when it's with a bunch of crazy people. But, the feeling is still different. Haiz... What ever it is, hopefully I will do just fine.

To the Boyfriend, The Love ( Mohd Saini Bin Arshad):

I'll be away for 12 days. I agree that it is shorter than your Taiwan trips. But, 12 days is really a long period. Let's hope that the 12 days will past fast.

We both believe that many things can happen in that 12 days. We too believe that we are able to take care of ourselves. And we also believe that we will be able to behave ourselves. I trust you not to be naughty when I'm away. I really put trust on you. At the same time, I hope that you'll trust me too.

Yes, it feels hard. Very hard. But, we shall let this end soon. All I need is you to take care of yourself and that nothing unwanted to happen. I've caught you a few times, but I know that's all in the past and that I truly believe it won't happen again.

Be sure to stay safe on the road. Be sure to have your meals. Be sure to take care of yourself.

You know I love you a lot. & I will miss you a lot when I'm away. Let's just hope that things will be good. Love you a lot boyfriend. I will call you when ever I have the time =)

That's it for now... &&& I'll end with a video that I did for us...

2008-08-14T22:40:00.002+08:00

Almost half a month I've not done a proper update. Apart from the unwanted things that happened in my life, my laziness too is part of the reason to why I never update this blog. If I were to start from where I last stop, this entry is so going to be long for no reason. Anyway...

Presentation at National Museum was great. Even though my team's proposal was not chosen, I still think that my team's ideas are still the most unique ones as compared to the others (commented by the management there). I would say content was good, just that we lack the quality. But, the experience was great and that I do want to do it again =) To the team (Naz, Sha, Zeraynne), though we are not the best, we know we are still the best =) Love you all...

Last week of school is super boring. Really... But, on a brighter side, SEMESTER 1 YEAR 3 has officially ENDED!!! Hip Hip HOORRAY!!! For now, I shall wait for the results to come up, for both modules and FYP. Scary... &&& I wander my classmates for nest semester. Hopefully, they will be good and nice =)

3 more days and I'll be flying to Cambodia. The first and hopefully not the last. I still haven't pack my things. I still have some things to buy. I still need to do a fast shopping. So many things. Why am I dragging things so long? Ish...

I felt happy when I got selected to be part of the team. Now that the time is drawing nearer, I feel that I'm not ready yet!!! Yes, I survived Ubin because that was only 2 days. But Cambodia is so gonna be 12 days!!! 12 days without 6 pillows and most importantly my beloved "Baby" Pooh!!! Also, I won't get to see my mum, my dad, my lil bro and also my BOYFRIEND!!!

I know I shouldn't make things hard, but I just need to let this feelings out. I won't be able to complain everyday anymore =( I won't talk to boyfriend every night =( I won't see my family =( I will be out of all my routines for 12 days!!! How stressful can that be!!!

Maybe this is another test. Really a test. Enough about Cambodia for now. =(

Boyfriend was nice to help out with the paintings at home =) Love you a lot!!! Even though the color is not nice, thanks to the love for helping. Tiring I must say. Never in my life I smell paint for 2 consecutive days eh. It feels like urghhh!!! &&& my room now looks like bilik m***k. OOOOpppppsssss... But, nevermind...

Wells, everything is good for now. Hope it will be always. I really hope things will be good. That's all for now. Shall update on Saturday before I fly.

*Boyfriend, I miss you now. I love you a lot.

2008-07-30T20:26:00.013+08:00

Year 2000 Passport

Year 2008 Passport

70 BUCKS GONE!!!

Fake Cucumber for the puffy eyes

Vaccination

The compulsory 3 jabs

Now it proves that I'm Samsudin's and Jamaliyah's Daughter =)

Anti Malaria Pills

The amount payable for 8 pills =\

The 22nd Birthday Present. Boyfriend, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a good news...

2008-07-29T19:00:00.000+08:00

I'm suppose to do my RJ, but I just don't know how to do it la. This is the question, "In 50 years time, will Singapore be another Iraq or Afghanistan? Back your views with what you have learnt in this module(Risk Security & Crisis Management)." Now, tell me what can I write =\ The thing is I don't know anything about the 2 countries. When I read Iraq and Afghanistan, it so reminds me of Don't Mess with Zohan. Ok whatever. So, I've decided to get help from BOYFRIEND. Hopefully he know something and that he could help me =)

While waiting, I shall update my blog as promised =)

Had a meeting with the Cambodia Calling Crew(CCC) on Thursday regarding Ubin Trip. Had to proceed home soon after as boyfriend was already at my place waiting for me. Had dinner, chilled and proceed home.

My parents told me that I have to update my passport photo before proceeding to Cambodia or else I wouldn't be able to enter the plane. The reason being, my passport photo is so year 2000 eh =\ So, decided to go ICA on Friday. Got boyfriend to accompany me since it's his rest day.

I thought that I would spend only 10 bucks just to update my photo. But, upon reaching ICA, they told me that they don't update photo no more and that I have to make a new one and it costs 70 BUCKS!!! Tell me about it. So, I had to give away my 70 bucks just on the new passport la. =(

After giving away those money, I went to Beach Road to get things for my Ubin Trip. Insect repellent, ziploc, water bottle, shoes and bag. So yeah. Had luncher there before proceeding back home to put the stuffs. After which, The Dark Knight was calling la =) Catch the movie and home sweet home.

- It feels different since he started working. We spend lesser time with each other and that we have mostly weekdays for each other. The difficult part is that, we tend to meet only in the evening. It's either after his work or after my school hours. It's different and hard I must say. But, have to get used to it. Everything seems limited. Even though he will be off this Saturday, we still couldn't spend the same number of hours like we used too. That's because he have to work the day after =\ Hard hard hard. & I miss the times, those times -

Saturday was the day!!! As planned, met up with Sha & Ash first at Pasir Ris Interchange then headed to Loyang Sheng Shiong. Had breakfast at MacD while waiting for Yanah & Hani. Do our food shopping for the trip together while waiting for Razan who reached soon after. We went all around, in and out of the market like nobody business =\ The shopping was not bad. Still in the budget. We took the cab to Changi. I can't imagine us if we were to take the bus with our own bags and those market stuffs. Had lunch at Changi while waiting for the rest of the crew.

The boat was cool. First time to Ubin. & the coast guard just had to stop the boat =\ But everything was cool =) The journey was not bad. The first thing we did upon reaching Ubin is to take pictures eh. Haha. Wells. Basically, went over to the hut we rented, pitch the tent, do up bread for the team, cycling to Chek Jawa with Yanah, walked around with Carol and Caryn, BBQ, night walk and reflection. That's for the first day. Lots of fun I must say.

Second day was a serious day. It's like live or dead kinda situation. The first aid lesson was cool. But I didn't expect the practise to be so real. I must say I felt kinda panic even though it was just a practise. I thought that the accident will be just a simple accident. But, the first thing I saw was a GUY whose legs are covered with BLOOD. Second thing I saw was his NECK was BLEEDING CONTINUOUSLY. Third thing was he was EFFORTLESS.

Yes I am f*cking afraid of blood. I must admit. Apart from that, seeing the situation reminds me of my late brother. And yes, I broke down in matter of seconds. I know things are over and that I have to get over it. Not that I'm not over it, just that it reminds me of him. All I could do is to pray for him, hoping that he will do fine there in his other life. *Al-Fatehah*

After the practise, cleaned up the place and pack all the things. Haris and Carol assigned our FYP2 teams. &&&, my team mates are...
Ash, Asri, Sherwin & Jasmine!!! wwwwwooooootttttsssss... not bad =) Should be able to work well with them. A bunch of fun people I must say.

Well, the Ubin Trip was FUN I must say. With the other 17 people. Time to bond more though. Just that, I miss Aisha who is currently in NY holiday-ing =\ The trip would be more fun with her around I must say. Well, that's UBIN!!!

I was too tired that I decided to skip school on Monday. Apart from the fact that I'm tired, I just felt that I need to spend time with boyfriend since it's his rest day. We head down to Boon Lay, Marsling and head home. I don't know but it seems that I tend to miss him more than usual. Maybe it's because we have been spending lesser time together and also due to the fact that I am flying to Cambodia in 2 weeks =( So fast. I still want to spend a lot of time with boyfriend before flying. Wells.

As for now, the fund raising was called off today because we have not much time and that we have to focus more on FYP2. So yeah. Time to sit down and discuss with the team mates.

My team and I will be organizing an Events Industry Open House at Siem Reap. That's tough. Really tough. Time to get the hands working now as we don't have much time. Work work work.

Frankly, I'm kinda stress. FYP2 has already started. & also because I'll be leaving all my loved ones behind in 2 weeks time ='( I need to cry. I just need to.

Shan't elaborate, shall do it the next time.

2008-07-29T18:50:00.008+08:00

Changi Village that is

Before boarding the boat to Ubin

On the boat

Upon reaching Ubin 1

Upon reaching Ubin 2

Candid 1

Candid 2

Smile

Uno-ing

Shadow-er

Bye Ubin

2008-07-29T18:49:00.001+08:00

Final Year Project 1 Poster Presentation

2008-07-29T18:30:00.009+08:00

With Boyfriend

& I tell him "You look cheeky please" with rolling eyes =)

& LASTLY, I'M MISSING THIS PERSON A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!

2008-07-23T15:42:00.002+08:00

Well, after ages of not having a proper update to this blog, I shall blog since I do feel like blogging today =) Many things happened. Good and bad. That's life I must say.

Family been good. Had a nice weekend last week. Went out with them both Saturday and Sunday. Seriously I have nothing to do ever since the boyfriend started working and that he have to work on both Saturday and Sunday. So, make good of the time to be with the family =) After so long of not going out and spending time with them, it feels really nice to go out with them and share a lot and a lot of topics. I shall say the time spent with them was ultimately great!!!

School been another great thing so far. With those class mates. But, things can get bored at times. I don't know how to explain this. The museum trip we had was not bad. But it's more down to work. We have to ask questions and things like that.

AND AND AND, Final Year Project I is DONE!!! WOW!!! I can't believe that we're done with it. But now, waiting for the results is more scarier than any other things. I believe my team and I had done our best and that we really hope to pass this =) Pray for me alright people. TY.

Now, shall be preparing for Cambodia. Less than a month. 24 days to be exact, am leaving for Cambodia. There, we will start on our FYP 2. We will be working on the programme for the first few days. The last 3 days, will be our holidays!!! Though the 2 weeks of holiday will be used up for the trip, we still have 3 days of overseas holiday and a few rest days. So, not bad not bad. I hope the holiday will be fun. With the cultural, shooping, clubbing and food plans that we will plan soon for the holiday will definitely make the holiday a nice one =) Cool or what. Yessa. Plus, with the crazy people, it should be fun =) And yes, I'm looking forward to it.

Before that, Ubin!!! I'll be over to Ubin this Saturday and Sunday for Cambodia training. You know, like in case I faint or what, then the people can carry me =) I never go to Ubin before and that I don't really look forward to it, because of the things I heard. Ish ish ish. Scary. Well, I will still be going and I have to. Ish ish ish.

Anyway, my ACER laptop died on me!!! Lucky I can somehow depend on the PC for a few days. So, I got myself a new one. DELL XPS that is. Just a simple and lighter laptop. And I do love it =) And and and, I got a free ACER notebook. Cool or what. I decided not to configure my laptop to school's programmes. So I have to borrow laptop for UTs. Good thing, I'm left with 4 UTs. I shall start skipping school now man. I still have 6 more off days eh =\ Ish ish ish.

I have a new game on that PSP. Need for speed Pro Street that is. Been wanting to play, and alas, downloaded it and I'll get to play it now. But I still don't have the feel to play it now =\ Weekends maybe. I'll see how.

These days, relationship been a bit down. But, things good for now.

I feel that I'm selfish and stupid. I feel that I think of myself and not others. I feel that I don't see what others have done for me. I even make things worst instead of making them better. I make simple things difficult and that a simple thing just have to turn hay wire. That's a total stupidity.

I would consider myself a lucky b*tch to have a boyfriend like him. Who is still there to accept me the way I am. Who is always there to listen to my stupid rants. Who is always there to advice me. Who still talk to me when he is mad. Who is willing to accept me despite of all my stupidity. Who loves me even when I seemed not to appreciate him. Who still loves me even after I let him down. How can I not consider myself a lucky b*tch.

I wouldn't say he don't understand me. He does, a lot. He knows every single thing which is in my mind. He ain't one useless guy. If he is, he wouldn't be by my side all this while. He have done almost everything, everything. And, I really do appreciate every single bit and pieces that he have done for me.

*You know, money won't give me all the happiness that I need or that I want. Having you by my side is just enough to make me happy. You, is all I need and you, is all I want. I would like to apologise (I know you never ask me to say sorry, but I feel I should) to you for all the sayings that I have said. I know I can't take back the words since I've said them out. But, I'm one who is not perfect and I do tend to say some things which I don't mean to say. One thing for sure, and that which comes from my heart, you've always been the one and the only one who is always in my heart and that I love you more than how you think my feelings would be for you. And and and, you are the one with everything I need*

After long, everything is back to norm. I'm craving for good times with boyfriend just like how we used to be. I just need it badly. Yes I am emo-ing now. Ish.

And, the fact that I'm going to Cambodia in less than a month is making me more emo. Ish ish ish. Shan't talk about it now. Shall make use of all the time I can find to be with the boyfriend. That's more important.

Ok. I'm done updating about life. Pictures later when I receive them from my beloved FYP team mates. More updates when I feel like it.

2008-07-21T10:25:00.002+08:00

I've not changed enough or I have not f*cking change at all?
I look that bad.
Looking down on myself, my f*cking self.
And, I f*cking deserve this...do I?

* that bloody f*cking change in mindset. And it seems to be a whole f*cking wrong change...Is it? I know it's not, it's my f*cking choice after all. And this bloody f*cking brain keeps on thinking and it seems hard to change back to how it needs to be...f*ck me

2008-07-15T13:02:00.003+08:00

I don't really intend to blog like so soon and furthermore I'm with the team mates, Sharifa, Aisha and Naz. Sungguh team geylang.

I just felt disappointed after an incident. Things good for now and hopefully it will be good till when ever. Oh wells, but everything have its ups and downs. So yeah. But I still don't know why it is still in my head. *SHIT*

Whatever it is, all I can say is I am aware and I am very sure of my own feelings even though people might not see it or know it.

*I'm very sleepy now as I slept quite late last night. Ok whatever. And the fact that the class now is like in a club with those songs, it cannot make me shut down myself. Oh wells.*

2008-07-12T09:09:00.000+08:00

As promised, a proper update after a week of not having a proper one. However, I'm kinda lazy to upload pictures up here. I'll try to upload some eh =)

I won't say a lot of things happened in this few days. Normal things. But sure there's happy and unhappy moments eh =\

Like I've mentioned before, it was youth day on Monday. Nothing interesting. Just like any normal days in school with a test. On the other hand, boyfriend started his work on Monday. At least he have a job now and that the job can be a potential stable job for him =) Yes, I'm so happy for him la. After a month plus of staying at home doing almost nothing, it's back to work. Tiring, but sure he'll be able to get used to it soon. I'll support you all the way eh darling =)

On Tuesday, I received an email from Mr Haris Manaf =)I got the offer to go to Cambodia for the Service Learning Trip la. Which is from 16th August to 29th August. How cool. Apart from the fact that I'm going with the crazy course mates, but the idea of going there to do FYP2 is super cool la. Promoting the place there for them. Also, we will be able to have a short holiday there. And all I want to do is shopping =) Interesting. I'm so looking forward to the trip can. Really.

But, I will be leaving my beloved people in Singapore la kan. I do feel very sad la. 2 whole weeks eh. Ish. Just like Sha said la, when you're in Singapore you like don't care, now when you want to go overseas then you'll start to feel that distant la. TRUE-NESS shit. But, no matter what I still love my mum and dad eh. Apart from the fact that they are actually sponsoring my fees for the trip, they will also be helping me with the expenses there la kan =) That means that I do not need to use my own money or savings =) I shall thank them like a lot a lot la kan. Sesungguhnya aku sayang sangat dengan dorang walaupun aku tak tunjuk kan. Oh wells, that's just the way people my age acts eh.

And and and, not forgetting that I'll be leaving that darling too =( It's just another test that we need to go through. Before, he went to Taiwan for his NS and we manage to go through it all. That was like ONE MONTH la kan. Now, it's my turn to be away. We'll pray hard for this and we'll go through this once again together eh darling =) I shall spend time with him during his off days. It's only a month away before I'll depart =(

I shan't talk much about some sad feelings or happenings that we went through. I won't elaborate any about the too personal things. All I could say is I'm trying to be good. Now everything is alright and somehow I'm feeling much better after the 2 days of having uneasy feelings. He is still my everything till today =) You'll always be eh darling. You know I love you a lot. It's just the low part of life that we've been going through lately. But I'm sure, things will always be alright after this. I'll pray.

Thanks to the 2 minahs for the care and concern. Sha and yannah that is. You babes know there are times when I just won't say certain things. But, I appreciate the companion, care and concern in school when I was totally feeling down. Love korang banyak2 =)

Well I won't say my days will be boring now, just that a bit of alteration will be made to the way I divide my time. No more Saturday outings =( I guess, my weekends will be spent at home. Just like today. But, sure I will make time for the love eh, which will be after my school hours and also on his off days =)

I wander when I will meet him again la. I just miss those good happy moments. Oh, he said he'll drop by my place today =)

To be exact, 35 more days I'll be making my way to Cambodia. During the 35 days, there's a few things I'll need to do.

15th July - Submission of FYP Final report
15th July - Outing with Mr Clive my Leisure Module Facilitator (He is one cool dude, old I must say but he's very open in today's society's issues)
16th July - Training program conducted by OSG on Service Learning from 0930 to 1300
18th July - Another trip to National Museum for Leisure module
23rd July - FYP presentation
26th & 27th July - Ubin survival training program
30th July - doctor consultation and vaccinations appointment @ TTSH
+++ I need to update a bit on my FYP logbook
+++ I need to do my FYP poster for my presentation
+++ I need to do the task that I'm given for the Cambodia trip
+++ I need to get some stuffs for Cambodia trip, like getting a luggage, new pair of pants, maybe a top or two. Simply put, shopping shopping shopping...
+++ Fund raising activities for Cambodia trip
+++ Meet up the boyfriend as much as I can!!!!!! Very important.

But, the good thing is, I'll be able to bring my handphone and my laptop. So I'll be able to make call at any time and I still can blog and friendster-ing =)

That's the list for now. A lot of things yet little time. Luckily, my team had completed our final report. Left with the poster.

I still have to attend school as per normal and the extra activities will fill up my other non-school days. I guess, another extension to go out with some friends.

Niqi... Outing delay ok. Sesungguhnya Ju teramat busy =\ Nanti kite kelua ajak yang lain ok. Khairiyah, Aryanty, Fatt dan laen2 ok =) Thank you for your understanding =)

Updates done =) Many things. But I'm sure I'll be fine. I won't stress myself. I try =)

= You, I miss you. Every time I hear your voice without seeing your face makes me want to cry. I'm sure we'll pull through together. I know we can. Thanks for encouraging me for the Cambodia trip even though I felt like I've no hope for it at first. But I do make it eh =) And, I love you a lot. You know I do =

2008-07-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

National Museum with E65K

Curly Hair & The Waivy Hair Behind =)

The classmates

Naz, Me, Sha

Cute sak muke aku. Haha. Final sak tu...

The team members =)

Candid shot

Naz, Sha, Zeraynne & Me

Toilet that is

Sesungguhnya aku tak serious. Haha

Va-Rae-Nas One

Thanks to that cheeky girl name zeraynne for snapping this eh

Enough of bodies and faces, now the foot =)

His name is ASH!!!!!!!!!!!

Again the 3 of us

Another team photo

In the food gallery

In another gallery. Very Classic sak this one

The Binnale Talk 1

The Binnale Talk 2

The Binnale Talk 3

He is one good photo capturer

Ala ala posing. But nice =)

A place with good memories =)

Loves =)

2008-07-06T22:28:00.002+08:00

I was tagged by Sharifa Radina on 29th June 2008. Didn't intend to do it so soon but since I'm done with my logbook (like finally) I can afford to waste a bit of my time on this tag eh =)

[Start]

Rules & Regulations of this quiz is :

a) people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

b) tag 6 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.

Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Q : Who do you prefer? Boyfriend or guyfriends? Why?
A: Boyfriend. He made me the way I am now.

Q : If you had 3 wishes, what will that be?
A: I want to get married without the need to work for money, I want to be happy at the end of every single day even though there are unwanted things that happened during the day, I want to go to heaven despite the fact that I'm going against the laws of the religion - part nie bedek uh. & it will never happen eh

Q : What would your first reaction be, when you see someone you like, being happy with some other guy/girl ?
A: ok uh. good what. It's only a like and he's not mine. so I shouldn't bother.

Q : What you will be in 8 years time?
A: I will be a wife to somebody and hopefully I have my career in hands.

Q : Would you change yourself for the person you love?
A: I will work hard for it like I am working hard for it now.

Q : How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
A: If the love is meant to be, I'll wait till forever.

Q : If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
A: Nothing. Let him be uh. Not as it it's love.

Q : Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?
A: No. Everything's clear now and I shall say I'm fine

Q : Do you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you're around the guy/girl you like?
A: IDK

Q : Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
A: Yeah. Like my bro. Miss him a lot eh.

Q : Who are currently most important people to you?
A: Family, boyfriend, friends

Q : Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?
A: Like who? Taufik Batisah eh?

Q : What's the ideal perfect relationship to you?
A: Nothings perfect. I've no say on this. But I shall say, a relationship must have trust, care, understanding, transparency and most importantly patience.

Q : Are you happy with your life?
A: Yeah.

Q : Would you give all in a relationship?
A: Yeah. Definitely.
Q : If you fall in love with 2 persons simultaneously, who would you pick? the lousiest one? OR the better one?
A: Depends on which one have the X-Factor maybe.

Q : What type of friends do you like?
A: Any friends will do.

Q : Do you often wish there was something you could change?
A: One of the things I wish I could change is that I want to answer the calls and see him for the last time.

Q : What type of person do you look for?
A: This kind of things I don't know how to put it into words.

- Supposedly I have to tag 6 people. But I guess, I shall leave it to anyone to decide if they want to this or not. -

[End]

It's Youth Day tomorrow. I didn't know till boyfriend told me just now. Unfair uh kan. All of them have holidays and I have to be in school. And, I still have TEST tomorrow. Alamak. Actually holidays means nothing these days. As in, there's no difference. So yeah. It's been so long since I feel the real holiday. I demand for a holiday SOON please. ANYONE CARE TO BRING ME FOR A HOLIDAY TRIP??? I want one please. Ish ish ish.

Boyfriend will start working tomorrow. Wah wah wah. Work alrea-dae. Ve-rae Nas. Good luck eh darling. Sayang you banyak banyak =)

Shit. I just realized I haven't do my notes for tomorrow test. Shit. Shall start on it now. K bye.

2008-07-05T21:33:00.003+08:00

Basically I'm done with the editing of my part for FYP report. We still have more to go. The content is still on going and hopefully we could compile everything together soon and standardize everything. Now, I still have to finish up my logbook. I'm only at my 5th meeting. There's 15 more to go. Plus all the individual contribution. Hopefully I can finish them by tomorrow so that I can concentrate fully on my report.

Like boyfriend said, today is the most boring day for us. We always have things to do when we meet up but not today. All we do is to talk and to take a short walk at Sun Plaza. The best thing that happened today was the fire works and arcade. How boring it could be. I don't even know what makes it a boring day =\

Alas, I let out the things which I should have let out long time ago. Wells, I have my reasons for holding it till now. It took us 3 hours on the phone to talk about this. All I wanted to do is to make this clear and also to let out my feelings. Its not to point finger on anyone as I myself have my own mistakes in this matter. Forgive me my dear.

Am I too devoted into this relationship? YES I AM. I can't afford to make this another failure. The others failed because of me and I don't want to make it happen again. I'm too tired of making things fail. I had enough. Because I'm too devoted, that's the reason to why I'm too attentive to things that he do. Every single thing. Maybe I shall stop doing things he don't like.

Everyone wants their privacy. Understood. I won't intrude anymore. I would like to apologize for that.

Maybe, I've got what I want. It's time for me to settle down my mind. I'll stop thinking about those and I shall go with the flow. I've never believe in going with the flow, but now I think I should go with the flow. At the same time, I'll still continue with the efforts. I still believe that we're still strong and that we're still good with each other. And I still believe that we will make it and that we will work hard for it. After all, our hearts are still strong.

I believe the love for you is very strong and that I couldn't explain in words. I've always love you from the start and that it won't fade away. Now, I keep your words close with me. I'll keep my words too. And you'll always be my everything because you're my everything.

2008-07-04T00:50:00.003+08:00

Let's start with last week...

Last Thursday met up with boyfriend at my place. It was quite disappointing that he don't remember what time my lesson end. But, it is just a small matter, I don't take it to heart =) Had dinner at Rubinah. Stopped by Yishun dam for a while before proceeding to AMK Hub for a movie, "Wanted", with friends. Movie was fine.

["Tell me if I don't suit you, so I won't keep on chasing after you" - The thing is, we can't determine whether we suit for each other. All we need is to ask ourselves and our heart, where does our half stands. The girl need to ask where does the guy stands in her heart and the same goes for the guy. After all, all this is a matter of the heart. We determine it, not other people.

If we think that that person is the one, then I shall say "GOOD. KEEP IT UP". But, if we think that it isn't, maybe one might want to consider saying "GOODBYE". Like I've said, we make our own decision and not others.]

Last Saturday had another movie with boyfriend, The Incredible Hulk. He is so into Marvel's movies. So yeah, that explains. Wanted to watch at The Cathay but we missed the time slot for the movie. Irritating please. So we decided to go to Causeway Point for the movie. Acceptable for the story line. Not bad. And as usual, Saturday evening we will head down to Ang Mo Kio to meet some friends.

[We had dinner at Charco's, a Western Australian stall at Ang Mo Kio. The food not bad I tell you. All about BBQ chicken and some salad. Not bad.]

So far, lessons good. What irritates me was I forgot to submit my RJ for last leisure lesson. Whatever Ju. I think I need some brain maintenance eh. As for now till a few more weeks, I'll be busy with my FYP. Final report need to be done by next week latest by Thursday. On a brighter side, there's a no need for FYP presentation slides =) But, I have to redo my logbook =\ Transfer the points to a bigger book and include more points. Ish ish ish.

Anyway, there's this tagger tagged me with the name "raidah" and of course I know it isn't raidah because I believe my matured-thinking friends wouldn't do such things. So, I would like to invite the tagger to meet me personally if he/she thinks that there are things which needs to be settled. If you care to tag me, why you can't see me personally =) That's it.

Wednesday was neutral. I had a good afternoon with mum at Northpoint. We had our lunch and bought some stuffs. Like I get a top for myself =) And some chocolates which are still in the fridge =\

[I dropped my phone. YES. Sesungguhnya aku bodoh. The screen was fine, but the speaker cannot hear a single thing. Mum asked me to head home in case anyone call especially if the boyfriend call. Then, like just nice the boyfriend called me when I was about to reach home. Thanks to him that we head down to SE service center to repair my precious phone. So, yeah. Will need to wait till next week though.]

In the evening, headed down to Woodlands for another movie =) Hancock this time. Cool. Another acceptable storyline =)

And again, thanks to the boyfriend for yesterday. My brain malfunction eh =\

So, from next week onwards, some things will change. No more Saturday outings I guess =( Lesser talk time. Lesser meets. Ish.

TGIF.
I feel kinda shagged. The day will be a long one. Museum for leisure, UT and then FYP discussion.

And and and. Saturday will be a short day with him =( Sad la kan. Baru plan nak ajak pergi ke QUEENSWAY, nampaknya kene delay la idea tu =( But cool la, he's attending his cousin's engagement ceremony. NAK IKOT!!! *ju takmo macam paham pls* Cool la cool la cool la. Wells. I don't know what to do la on Saturday afternoon. Shall movie marathon =) Oh wells.

That's it for now. Pictures later. Too much of them pls =\

*You'll be starting work soon like Monday. I really hope that you'll take care of yourself. You'll be totally on your own and somehow it worries me. But maybe I shouldn't. Wells. And you, I'll assure you that I'll be fine and that I'll manage my stress now. I should be able to manage my stress. And we shall continue with the normal calls to update each other ok. At times, things seemed to change when it doesn't. And that I wouldn't want anything to change. All I hope is that the past won't repeat itself. And you, you know I love you. My love has never stop or got lesser. My love for you have been growing continuously since the first day =) That's never a lie. A sure thing is that, you'll be the only one who will be in my heart and no one else and that I promise. Loves*

2008-07-01T13:47:00.002+08:00

Previously I've typed out this post, but I don't know why I still don't want to publish it =\ Maybe it's all due to the fact that I haven't get the right facts in mind and on hand. Wrong information would be considered ACCUSATIONS. *shit*

I have quite a few things which I haven't blog about. But I still don't feel like having a long long long post now. I want to blog but I'm just lazy to do it now.

Oh, I see changes which I never want to see it change. *Whatever*

I shall say that's it for now. I'll update once I feel like it.

2008-06-24T10:37:00.000+08:00

When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.

This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...
you'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.

So these seven words,
I pray you hold true,
"Forever And Always,
I Will Love You."

* Will you love me the way I love you? *

2008-06-23T17:34:00.003+08:00

Time check: 1820

I've been forcing myself to be in deep deep thoughts lately. I realize that I need to put some sense into myself. I also think that I have to think now for a better future.

Boyfriend have been advising me umpteen times on the same thing. Yet, I've made no changes. I've tried. But maybe like he said, I've not tried hard enough. After thinking very hard, I've decided to try to get some chances when ever I can to talk to my parents in the future.

And so, it is really by chance that I get to talk to dad. He came back quite early today. Did share with him on my school things. Like my studies and FYP. Maybe that's a step that I've done. I still have yet to try to talk to mum. Will see if I can get the chance to talk to her sometime soon.

What boyfriend said was true. You'll feel just good if you share your problems or anything with someone, especially your parents. Maybe they wouldn't be able to help that much, at least they are able to listen and give you their thoughts. It could also be other people, like you friends, cousins boyfriend and others

Well, this is just the beginning. Hopefully things will get better as time comes. Just hope that the step that I've taken wouldn't go back to square one.

But somehow, I felt that there are other things that disturb me other than this. Or else, I wouldn't feel so messed up in the mind. I tried to think hard on what are the other possible things that have been running in my mind.

A definite thing that would be in my mind will be school. Lessons have been very mundane, even my mates agree with me. At times, we blog, we play games, we talk, we MSN and other things which have got nothing to do with listening. But, the things we learnt are somehow quite interesting that it makes me listen at times. I'll need to work on my daily grades and also my tests now. I did quite badly for my tests. Still have 2 more UTs to go. Shall study and try to do well.

FYP is another thing that worries me. Tell me about it. We are left with 2 weeks to do almost everything which includes final report, slide presentation and poster. Still have yet to make the team mates come together. Hopefully we will till the end of this FYP. I'm very sure all of us could do it.

Still have to update my logbook. Read the books borrowed. Possible format for final report. Possible breakdown for slide presentation. Analysis to be done with mates and more.

School isn't a chore I must say and that lessons, tests and FYP are not that stressful as I'm able to handle them. Just that it worries me at times. School is always fun as long as there are mates around you =)

I miss my bro eh. Maybe I've got myself over the incident which happened a year plus ago, but I still regret for not answering the calls. I just miss him a lot. Like the times we spent time together like a couple, the times when we make a fool of ourselves, the times when we go out and come home late at night, the times we got scolded together, the times when we just lie on each other arms, the times when we sleep together and all the other times when we do things together. Memories to be remembered * Al-fatehah*

I realized that I've been talking a lot about relationships on my previous posts. Especially on the topic when someone just have to play behind their other half's back. So, that brings me to think about my boyfriend.

I myself can't believe that it still disturbs me till now. I thought that I was over it and that I wouldn't need to worry anymore. But somehow, things keep on coming to me and that it is making me a bit worried. Maybe like he said, problems will come to you.

I know I've done something wrong to get evidence or facts. But, if I hadn't do such, I'll be left in the dark forever. That's something which I don't want to happen again. I really mean, again. All I could do now is to talk and make things clear. I will do it later,tomorrow, one day, soon. Not that I'm tired, just that I couldn't bare to see myself in this situation no more. I need to stop guessing and I need to get the facts by talking and make things clear. The aftermath will be later.

Much have been said. I shall do something. When things are clear, hopefully my mind will be clear too. Updates will be up as soon as I feel like it.

Time check: 1917

2008-06-19T15:10:00.002+08:00

By right, I'm suppose to be listening to my classmates presentations, listen to facilitator, give comments on classmates presentation and study for UT. However, I've somehow decided to go by left which is to do my own things like BLOGGING and not concentrating =\

I don't know why but I'm feeling both physically and mentally tired. Don't know why I feel bored. It's like I've no life. Stay at home and I'll be bored, go to school and I'm feeling bored too. Maybe it's just the lesson. Or is it me? I'm unsure.

At times, people think that you're always being thick skin and that you don't mind people saying what ever they want about you. But at times, you just tend to get irritated and f*cked up by their comments and words. * Kawan kawan juge tapi ade limit pe gang. Tak betol? * I had enough and so, WHATEVER.

Had a talk again with the FYP team mates. I really think that we can't afford to keep quiet anymore and to keep on closing one eye. So, we've decided to open both eyes. We are left with 3 weeks to submission. We still have to observe 2 more conferences next week and that we've decided to split the job. After the observations, we will be able to start with our final report. That leaves us with 2 weeks with final report, task allocation, presentation slides and posters. I wish that the management will extent the dates just like they extent the PP dates. * PLEASE * and I know, it's a fat hope. So, we shall all do this together and make things work eh =)

I really hope the boyfriend will get the job ASAP. He's been so stress and it's disturbing me. He might not show much, but he's that stress. We shall pray together ok boyfriend =)

In time to come, I will be spending a bit lesser time with the boyfriend =( There won't be Saturday outings no more =( There won't be long phone conversations no more =( Sad. But I'm sure things will be good and that we shall face this together. As promised, we will meet when ever we have the time =) The future shall be the next goal. So, we shall work hard.

People could make use of retribution to make karma happens. Really. I've seen, I've heard. But, it's not so nice. All depends on individual I think.

I watched La Femme again yesterday night and this young couple actually got married. Sweet la. I so wanna get married soon please =) Anyways, that married man decided to keep a mistress. How cruel is that. If my man is going to do that be it before or after marriage, I shall step back and go my own way. Perhaps, it will make him happy with that mistress. I've always wanted him to be happy, and so I shall leave him with the mistress so that he will be happy.

Don't control and that's my stand from now on. We shall always give the freedom that anyone wants. They should be able to think since they are old enough =)

This is the most random content post I've ever had =\ Wells, I shall update my quality time spent soon like the observation made at Rendezvous Hotel. Will do that only if I have the mood eh. Photos pending =\ Lazy to wait for the uploading time =\

That's it for now.

* I'll always pray that you'll get the job soon. Please don't be too stress. Do share ok. Don't keep things to yourself. I've been giving you a lot of stress and now you ought to share your stress with me. You know I'll always love you eh darling *

2008-06-18T00:22:00.002+08:00

I MISS YOU...

be in my dreams, i wish to see you again. it's been a year plus. will you come into my dreams? please...

*AL-FATEHAH*

2008-06-15T18:44:00.002+08:00

It's the last day of holidays. Back to school it is. 2 weeks past so fast =\

No much difference I guess. I'll be in school from morning till afternoon. Proceed home after that. What's so interesting. I'm unemployed and it's so boring. I shall stop complaining.

I'm confused. They want me to stay at home often, and so somehow I've decided to leave my job partly because of it. But, now that I'm home, I'm all alone. So, what difference does it makes. I'm trying so hard to divide my time to things which I think are important, yet it's still the same. Ended up, I have to spend most of my time by myself. I really don't understand the whole motive. -Whatever-

Yesterday was a well time spent =) After so long of not exercising, boyfriend and I met up at 9am to go to East Coast Park to cycle =) It's been ages. The last time I exercise was with Claudya and Raidah at the gym. That was like 2 years back please. That explain my size now =\

We rent a bike each. 6 bucks for 2 hours. Cheap eh. Starting point at the rental area at Area C. Ending point was at Changi area. To be exact 2450 meters before Changi Park. # Feeling feeling nak cycle sampai Changi # Super tiring. We turn back due to the bad weather sign actually. But it is tiring uh. I learnt 2 things, one is to adjust the gears and the other is to handle the brake. I suck at both. Those who ever cycle with me will know how suck I am in handling the brakes =\ All thanks to the boyfriend. At least now I know how to make the bike move faster =)

Before returning the bike to its owner, we stopped by at the place where we first met =) How interesting. The place changed, as there is now a garden at the back to add up some 'spice' to the place =) What we did was cam-whore =) After some rest, we head back to return the bikes.

Bought a Super Big Gulp, and I finish 2 third of it =) The boyfriend was busy smoking when I just couldn't stop drinking. Anyway, time well spent.

Head down to Paya Lebar for breakfast + lunch. Somehow, we don't eat as much as we were tired to eat and the stomach feels so full. We walked around Joo Chiat and TKC. To survey for raya costumes. There are some nice ones. Shall go back to TKC to check for the couple pair which costs 300 to 400 bucks only. Simple and nice. I just realized that there are quite a few bridal stores around the 2 shopping malls =)

After a lot of walking done, we decided to head home for some rest. Knee, back, calves and thighs are all aching. So yeah, head home to rest for a while. Headed down to Ang Mo Kio at around 9pm to meet some friends. Sit and chat till 2am.

What a long day. But spent well. Shall cycle around East Coast only the next time round =)

There are 2 movies I'm DYING to watch now. Incredible Hulk & The Happening. Tell me it's nice please, I so want to watch these 2 movies. Shall we, Boyfriend?

I'm looking forward for the next outing to SENTOSA. I'm looking forward for the beach =) I want to tan myself. I want to go around Sentosa again. Shall see =)

Shall start looking for jobs now. For both boyfriend and myself.

* Yesterday was great. Shall have such similar things again. The time when we were at our spot, it feels so nice. You often say, your ex-s wouldn't stand a chance to win you back. But, now my question is, will the other girl friends stand a chance to have you later. I bet they do. Well, all I want to say is, I love you a lot. More than I love anyone else definitely. *

2008-06-14T17:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you just don't like when you get to know something YOURSELF... *SHITS*

Sometimes truth might hurts, but girls would rather be hurt than being left in the dark for too long.

All we need is the truth. Not hard eh =)